Forgotten
by Leeyna
Summary: am·ne·sia (am-ˈnē-zhə) n. Partial or total loss of memory, usually resulting from shock, psychological disturbance, brain injury, or illness. The human memory can be a tricky thing and Julian Larson has to find out just how difficult it can be to try and uncover them.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story has been in my head and on my harddrive for a really long time. I started writing this just after Hell Night came out, I think but the idea was in my head even longer. This is my own little spin on the following events so basically going AU after Hell Night. The story is finished (~36,500 words) but I didn't feel like posting it all at once would be a good idea, so I'm posting one chapter a day. I split it into four chapters, so you won't have to wait for too long. Although please don't kill me if I miss a day because I'm a scatterbrain.

This story would not have been possible without Mir, who always asked for more and gave me new motivation to write when I was all but set on just throwing it away.

Thanks to Courtney, who, as always, encourages me to write and makes me feel better whenever I'm ready to just go and live in a sock drawer.

I also have to say a million thanks to my lovely Beta Beth without whom this would be full of stupid mistakes and probably very annoying to read.

I do not own anything. Julian, Derek and Logan are characters from CP Coulter's "Dalton".

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The only sounds in the room came from the machines that were hooked up to a pale, unmoving arm of a body lying in a hospital bed, and the soft breathing of a boy sleeping on a chair. His sleep was restless and uneasy; he was muttering words in his sleep from time to time and thrashing from one side to the other as much as possible in the tight space of the hospital chair. Dark circles were prominent under his eyes and one side of his face was covered in scratches. His hands were in an even worse state; half-burned and a long cut on his right palm. His hair was singed off in a few spots and the former blond was now streaked with black ash and dirt.

Suddenly the constant beeping of the machines sped up and the boy in the chair sat up straight at once, his eyes flying straight to the boy lying in the hospital bed, grasping his hand that still lay unmoving on the bed.

"Jules?" he whispered, voice too raw to echo in the small room. "Jules, please wake up," the boy begged, emotion prominent in his voice. Seconds later a coughing fit shook the body of the blond boy and for a moment the heartbeat of the unconscious boy sped up even more as if reacting to the blond's voice. As if in slow motion, the brunet's eyes began to flutter before opening.

The blond squeezed his hand carefully, holding on for dear life, obviously afraid to let go. Slowly his eyes opened completely and brown collided with green.

"You're awake," the blond sighed, a smile on his lips, ", you idiot scared me to death. Leave it to the diva to make everyone wait for his big entrance right?" Looking at the brunet he only found a confused expression on his face. "Oh, hold on, I'm going to get a doctor." He slowly disentangled himself from the plastic chair and walked towards the door.

Finally, a loud groan came from the boy in the hospital bed.

"Wait," he croaked, voice raspy and unsteady, "who are you?"

In a fluid motion the blond turned back towards the bed, eyes wide and body completely still, searching the brunet's face for a sign of a joke or anything really.

"Very funny, princess."

"Don't call me princess," the brunet snapped. "My name is…" he stopped midsentence a confused look in his eyes, stalling, as if he was looking for the right word. "My name is….uhm… I… I mean."

"Julian, stop it. It's not funny."

"Julian? Who's that?"

The blond paled, his hands started to shake.

"Whatever. Who the hell are you and why are you in here? Wait… where exactly am I? I was just… uhm… yeah, I don't know. Doesn't matter. Get out of my room, creep."

A broken sob wrecked through the blond's body and he bit his lip, almost drawing blood.

"Uhm… I'll just go and get a doctor." With that he turned around, not wanting the other one to see the tears sliding down his cheeks.

When the door closed the boy in the hospital bed tried to sit up but had trouble with it due to his bandaged hands. He let out a frustrated groan and stopped moving. What was going on? Why was he in the hospital and what the hell had happened to his hands? More importantly though, why couldn't he remember his name? He wracked his brain, trying to remember something, anything. There had to be a clue to what had happened, where he had been or why. Slowly he tilted his head to look down on his body. His hands had been bandaged and he had experienced the pain of using them when he had tried to sit up. His legs felt okay, but one was bandaged all the way up to his thigh as well. He wriggled his toes, just to check. Carefully he blinked his eyes and moved his eyebrows, feeling a small sting on his face; probably some other wound. But what the hell had happened?

The brunet sighed in frustration as he came up empty. Not a single thing. It felt like there was something, brushing against his mind, but he couldn't quite grasp it. It was a weird feeling, knowing that there had to be things, memories and stuff he knew, that were gone. What if it never came back? What if he never remembered who he was? A headache was slowly starting to spread while he tried to force his mind to remember something, anything.

Where was that other boy with the doctor anyway? And who exactly was he? Maybe that was his brother and his parents were just down in the cafeteria or something. He tried to picture the other boy in his mind, were there any similarities between them? Once more he came up empty. He had nothing else to do but wait.

After what felt like a really long time he heard footsteps echoing in the hallway outside, moving closer to his door. They stopped outside the door and he could hear muffled voices talking. Was that the boy from earlier?

"…. Doesn't remember… asked me who I was."

Another, older voice, maybe the doctor or his father responded.

"….not unusual… bad trauma….blow to the head…"

The voices stopped and there was a firm knock on the door.

"Come in," the boy in the hospital bed said, hoping that at least some of his questions would be answered. The door opened to reveal a man in his mid-forties in a lab coat followed by the blond boy.

"Hello Julian, my name is Doctor Mathewson and I've been treating you since you came here." The man stepped up to the bed and helped the boy sit up against the pillows.

"Julian? Is… is that my name?" The boy asked quietly once he had settled down comfortably against the pillows, trying to get a feel for the name, hoping that it would seem somewhat familiar.

"Yes," the doctor said softly, "yes it is. Your full name is Julian Larson-Armstrong. You're 17 years old and attend Dalton Academy in Westerville where you were hurt in a tragic catastrophe. We weren't sure you'd make it but your vitals look strong and that's a really good sign. You have severe burns on your leg, as well as on your hands. You have a long cut on your face and down your neck, but there wasn't any damage to the nerves. You also suffered a severe trauma to the head and it seems like that caused the amnesia. At this point I can't tell you whether it's temporary or will last. In a few hours we're going to run a few tests and see if we can figure something out."

"I…I… my head hurts. I can't… I can't remember anything. Everything is gone. Where are my parents? Why aren't they here? And…" he stopped for a second, trying to catch his breath.

"Julian, your parents are on the other side of the country in LA, we informed them as soon as we could get a hold of them. Your mother is on her way but it'll take a while until she gets here," the doctor explained.

Julian nodded slowly, noticing the sting it sent through his face. "And who is blondie over there?" He gestured to the blond who was now leaning casually against the wall by the door, eyes trained intently on Julian, an unsure expression on his face. "Brother? Friend? Stalker?" At the last part he laughed out loud, missing the way the blond suddenly tensed up, clenching his jaw tightly.

The doctor turned around and smiled at Logan, patting his arm reassuringly before excusing himself and leaving the room.

Tentatively the blond pushed himself off the wall and stepped towards the bed, clearing his throat before locking his eyes back on Julian.

"I'm Logan. We… we go to school together. We've been b-b-best friends since freshman year. We…"

"So that's why you've been waiting lovingly at my deathbed," the brunet interrupted, once again not noticing the shocked expression on Logan's face as he casually mentioned that he'd almost died. "Got a crush on me? I mean, you're gay right?" It took all of Logan's strength to simply nod at Julian's question. "Not that I mind, it's cool." Logan still stood next to the bed, eyes wide, biting his lip to keep from rushing out everything he had wanted to say to Julian the minute he woke up.

"Hey, hold on. We're not like," he paused for a moment and his face softened a little bit, "like a couple and I'm causing you sheer agony because I forgot you, right?"

Logan swallowed the lump that was in his throat, trying to get rid of the uneasy feeling before looking back at Julian. "No," he whispered just softly enough for Julian to hear. Then he thought about how the other one might take it. "No, of course not. Don't be silly. Just friends, I promise," he said with more determination in his voice.

For a few moments Julian simply stared at Logan, trying to see whether he was telling the truth or not. It was difficult because the other boy was so unfamiliar to him and he seemed like a really guarded person, or maybe he was just complicated.

"Okay, I was a bit scared for a moment. Wait, am I with anyone?"

Logan rolled his eyes. Were those the questions you ask after waking up from a coma, barely making it and suffering from amnesia?

"No, you're not."

"Good. Well, I mean… at least there's nobody I forgot about, right?" He forced a smile on his face, feeling the sting of the cut on his face once again. "So, this catastrophe the doc was talking about, what happened?"

Logan shuffled from one foot to the other, biting his lip again while wringing his hands. "I-I don't know if I should tell you. It's- well, it's a lot to take in and if you're not ready I don't want you to… uhm… well maybe you should get a bit stronger before I tell you."

Julian stared at Logan disbelieving, before smirking. "Sure you don't have a crush on me? You're mighty protective for 'just a friend'," he said, doing air quotes to emphasize his question.

"Yes, I mean, no…no crush just… we've always been protective of each other, you, me and Derek. It's just how we work. No one looks out for us if we don't look out for each other."

"Derek?"

"Oh right, amnesia, sorry. He's at Dalton as well. The third in the trio so to say," Logan smiled at Julian.

"Wow, ten minutes ago I didn't even know who I was and now I have two best friends. It's a weird feeling. Just… I don't know…" he trailed off, staring into space for a moment. "Why are you here though and not David?"

"Derek," Logan corrected, "Oh fuck, he wanted me to call him if anything changed. I'll be right back." With that the blond quickly left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Once more Julian found himself alone with his thoughts, trying to remember anything. There had been one moment where he could have sworn to see a flicker of Logan in his head that reminded him of something. Something powerful and warm but before he could put a finger on it, it was already gone.

Through the door he could hear the voice of the other boy talking loudly on the phone.

"… Woke up. Yeah…he's fine, so far. D, he has amnesia… doesn't remember anything. No… no, nothing about the Art Hall, the fire… nothing… nothing from before..." for a moment he was quiet obviously listening to what the other boy was saying on the phone. "Derek, shut up, I said... no doesn't remember telling me… I don't…yes, yes. What am I supposed to do? Huh… no, that wouldn't… please get your ass here… D, I can't…" a loud sob came from the other side of the door. "I don't… Derek please….. I-I need you here… I'm scared… I can't… No I'm not selfish. He told me that… yeah, I stayed with him because I wanted to tell him… give him a chance. I… no, what do you think I am? Stupid? Shut up and get your ass over here. "

Logan's voice halted suddenly and Julian held his breath, waiting for the other boy to come back into the room. After almost two minutes went by without Logan returning, Julian started to wonder about that phone call. He had only understood half of the sentences and most things didn't make sense without having heard the other half of the conversation but something was definitely going on here, even he could sense that much.

It was weird how Logan refused to tell him what had happened at school. Well, it was school right? And a private one at that so how bad could it be. Why would he refuse to answer the question, unless what happened was tied to Julian in some way? Could he…could he have caused it? No that was silly, how can a normal 17-year old cause such havoc, involving a fire and somehow an Art Hall. The first waves of another headache started to wash over him and he pressed his hands to his temples, trying to sooth the throbbing pain.

After another five minutes there was a knock on the door before Logan opened it and slipped back into the room. Julian could see a faint hint of redness in Logan's eyes when the other one looked at him. Apart from Logan's harsh breathing the room was completely silent, a sense of awkwardness hanging in the air between them.

Logan was the first to find words. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. Just…uhm… trying to remember stuff gives me a headache."

"Oh, do you want me to go find someone and ask for pain meds?"

"No, it's fine you don't have to be my personal nurse, although I wouldn't mind seeing you in a cute candy striper outfit." The brunet chuckled to himself at the thought, noticing the faint blush creeping onto Logan's cheeks but dismissing it straight away as having imagined it.

The blond pulled the chair he had used earlier back towards the bed and sat down, eyes never leaving Julian; as if he was afraid that the other boy might fall back into coma or disappear altogether. It was weird; as if there was something hanging in the air between them, unsaid and out of reach because of his amnesia.

"What's wrong?"

Logan sighed and wiped a hand over his face. "Nothing. Why would anything be wrong? You're the one lying in a hospital as pale as the ugly sheets."

"Haha very funny. Sorry, I'm not up to my normal complexion. But you don't look so good either."

Logan looked down at his hands, studying the burns on his hands, sliding a careful finger over the cut on his palm. "Yeah well, I still look better than you do," Logan quipped, smirking at Julian.

The other boy huffed, rolling his eyes. "You wish, Wright. That'll never happen."

With a jolt Logan sat up straight in his chair, almost toppling over in his hurry. "What did you just say?"  
"I said: 'You wish, Wright. That'll never happen.'"

A huge smile crossed Logan's face causing Julian too look at him in complete confusion. "What's got you grinning like a fool?"

"You said 'Wright'. You called me Wright."

"So what?"

"That's my last name." Julian still looked at him, not understanding anything at all. "I never told you my last name."

"Wait… so I-I remembered it?"

"Seems like it. How would you explain it otherwise?"

"So…that's a good thing right? I mean it means that all my memories are going to come back."

"I don't know, maybe. Do you remember anything else?"

Julian frowned, his eyebrows knitting together in concentration, wracking his brain for something but like the times before he came up empty. He dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap, getting more frustrated by the second. "No," he whispered quietly, almost too low for Logan to hear but every fibre of his being was so focused on Julian that he heard it.

A silent sob wracked through Julian's body, surprising Logan. As another sob shook the brunet, Julian quirked up in surprise as the hands in his lap were joined by another one. For a moment he watched in wonder as long, slender fingers wrapped around his hands, holding them tightly. His eyes followed the line of Logan's arm up and settled on his face. A soft smile was playing on the blond's lips, trying to reassure Julian as best as he could.

A warm feeling spread through Julian, calming him down and making him instantly feel a bit better. What was it about the other boy that relaxed him so easily? They were just friends after all. Julian's breathing evened out and his body stopped shaking.

"It'll be okay," Logan said softly, "you have to give yourself time. Remembering my last name is a first step in the right direction." For a moment Logan paused, trying to gauge Julian's reaction, but the other boy had dropped his gaze again. "Hey, look at me," Logan said, putting a hand under Julian's chin to make him look up. "It's going to be alright. Even if you don't remember, I'll tell you everything. Me and Derek, we'll be here for you. Nothing can keep us away, understand? I'll be here for you." Logan looked into Julian's eyes intently, as if he wanted, no needed him to understand more than anything in the world.

Their gazes were locked onto each other, neither one of them was blinking. Something was going on between them but Julian still had no idea what it was. He was too confused by everything that had happened since he had woken up. Now his eyes were trained on Logan's, and he could see every little detail. Logan's eyes were the greenest colour he had ever seen; well at least he couldn't remember anything more beautiful than the blond's eyes. It was so quiet in the room that Julian was sure Logan was able to hear his heart speeding up again.

Actually Logan was able to hear his heart speeding up. With a jolt Julian leaned away from Logan, instantly missing the warmth of Logan's fingers under his chin. With a frightened expression on his face he looked over to the stupid machine that was still hooked up to his body, showing every single beat of his heart. This was embarrassing beyond everything.

"I'm... uh sorry. I didn't mean to-to make you uncomfortable," Logan said slowly, his hand still hovering in the air were seconds earlier Julian's chin had been.

"No...it's okay. You didn't. I mean... we're friends so this... uh it's okay." Julian stuttered, knowing full well that he was sounding like a complete idiot. But what was it about the other boy that turned him into this blubbering mess. He hadn't been like that earlier. Leave it to him to wake up from a coma and be completely coherent but once this gorgeous boy touched him... wait, no, not gorgeous. What was he thinking, this was his friend. People don't think about their friends like this. What was wrong with him? "It's just a tiny bit weird. You know, I just woke up and I have no memory of being friends and yet... and yet everything feels okay and like it's okay to be like this with you."

A slight blush had crept into Julian's cheeks and he looked down at his hands once more embarrassed at having revealed so much.

"It's okay Jules. I can't even begin to understand how confusing this is and maybe I should keep my distance until... until you're more comfortable around me or until your memories are back. It's just..." the blond paused for a moment unsure of what to say, "It's just...we're best friends and we know each other inside out..."

"Sure you don't have a crush on me?" Julian asked smirking at the stuttering mess Logan was producing.

Logan's eyes flew back to Julian's, "What? No, no... I mean...not that that would be bad, it's just...uh..."

"Complicated?" Julian provided.

Logan exhaled in a loud puff. "Yes," he said, grateful for Julian's interruption.

"Ooookay." Julian, still smirking, looked around the room for something to do until his eyes fell on a glass of water which he took from the nightstand and sipped slowly.

"Jules, I... Derek didn't think it would be a good idea but..."

"What? You going to tell me why this is obviously awkward while we apparently are the best of friends? Let me guess," Julian paused, eyes searching for something in Logan's face. "We went to a party, got drunk and you kissed me? Obviously I freaked out and now it's the awkward, we know what making out with each other feels like stage where we avoid talking about it, hoping that everything will go back to normal."

Despite the seriousness of their whole situation Logan couldn't stop himself from bursting into laughter. "Oh my God, you are so wrong."

For a few seconds Julian took the luxury of watching Logan's face. This was the first time the blond had really laughed and it suited him so much better than the other glum expression.

"Okay, let me try again." Logan gestured for Julian to go on. "We met your ex and he was all talking about how happy he is with his new boyfriend and then you introduced me as your boyfriend and kissed me. Since I'm a fabulous actor who takes every opportunity to act I played along and well, here we are again with the whole we-kissed-now-it's-awkward-stage." Julian smirked at his own insane theory and watched as Logan's face once again contorted into and expression of surprise and wonder.

"Jules? How do you know that you're an actor?"

"I am?"

"Yes, since your childhood, well I think more like since the moment you were born."

"Huh? I don't know. It just... just came out like that. The second thing I remembered while talking about something completely different. This is so weird."

"But it's good weird, right? It means that you still know those things they're just... I don't know. Locked away or something."

"Yeah, or something." In the matter of a few seconds the atmosphere in the room had changed once more from light to dark. The fact that Julian couldn't remember most of his life wasn't something that could be forgotten by making a few jokes.

Almost five minutes went by until Julian shook the feeling of despair off himself. "So was I right?"

Logan looked up from where he had been studying his hands intently. "No, not even close."

"Okay, so maybe you were just horny and I offered to help you out."

"Nope, and why do you think it was me who did anything?"

"You mean... Wait? Am I... am I gay?" Julian asked, looking at Logan curiously, maybe he was, would that be so weird? But, what if he didn't feel like that anymore, now.

Before Logan could answer, his phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out only to see that Derek was calling him.

"Hold on, it's Derek, I'll just get him from wherever he is right now."

With that the blond got up and walked out of the room, door closing softly behind him.

Confusion washed over Julian. What was going on here? And why wouldn't Logan tell him? Once again Julian was left alone with his thoughts racing in his head. Was he gay? He tried to think about how he had reacted to the last women he had seen but he couldn't. It took him a few moments until he realised why. He had just woken up from a stupid coma two hours ago. Why was this so important to him right now? Was it Logan's presence or were his thoughts always so inappropriate in complicated situations.

He chuckled, thinking how weird it was for somebody who had nearly died, to worry about his sexual orientation only two hours after waking up. They should make a movie about someone with this habit of disconnected thoughts. Hey, maybe he could even star in it, what with apparently being an actor. This was so weird.

The minutes ticked by slowly, as if to mock him. Once his thoughts had slowed down he felt the loneliness that Logan had left behind creep up on him; what was it about the other boy that kept him so on edge? He hadn't even been gone for ten minutes and already Julian missed his presence.

The room was completely quiet apart from Julian's harsh breathing and the machines. He couldn't make any sense of his feelings or thoughts, scrambled up in his mind. The one thing that was clear to him was that he needed nothing more than an explanation. Logan not telling him everything or answering his questions made him feel uneasy; like, like there was something else going on underneath the surface, something he couldn't grasp or even begin to understand. Whatever had happened at their school must have had a huge impact on Logan, something that he didn't feel like talking about.

Once again Julian could hear steps outside his room, moving closer until stopping right outside. Even before the other boy spoke up, Julian knew that it was Logan outside with that other guy. What was his name? David? Daniel? Derek? Yeah that's it, Derek.

"D, remember what I told you."

"Don't you think he has a right to know?"

"No, I mean… of course but…but he just woke up and… Damn it. Why? Derek, why? Haven't we gone through enough already?"

A moment of silence left Julian even more uneasy; he hated not knowing what was going on outside his door. Why were they so quiet? Restlessness crept up on him, swallowing him whole.

Then he could hear Derek's voice again, softer this time. "I know. It'll be alright, at least we're all okay."

"Are you kidding? He lost his memory, he doesn't remember anything. He didn't even know his own name," Logan's voice came through the door loudly.

"Logan, stop it. You know what I meant. Stop whining, it'll be alright. Trust me. Whatever it is, as long as we stick together, we can manage it."

"Yeah… okay but still. Remember what I told you. Don't… just don't okay?"

Seconds later they knocked on his door but once again it opened before he could even say anything. Behind Logan was a smaller but slightly more muscular boy with brownish hair, looking a bit glum and unsure of what to expect. The other one closed the door behind him before pulling another chair close to the bed and settling down in it, all while Logan still stood hesitantly in the middle of the room.

"It's good to see you awake Julian. I'm Derek, we…we go to school together, well I don't know how much Logan has told you…"

"I know that we're friends," Julian interrupted, smiling at Derek. "I'm sorry…"

"What for?" Derek asked, looking at Julian intently.

"Just…forgetting you and everything."

"Don't worry, it's okay," he placed a firm hand on Julian's resting on the blanket. "We're here for you no matter what."

"Wow, you're all very touchy feely aren't you?"

Derek looked alarmed and pulled his hand away from his best friend. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it's not that, I mean…it is but… I just feel like I don't even know you and here you are trying to comfort me. It's just weird."

"Sorry," Derek wrung his hands in his lap, eyes trained on the floor.

"Stop apologizing. It's okay, I just have to get used to it."

A small, hopeful smile spread on Derek's lips and for the first time he turned around to look at Logan.

"So what now?" Julian asked, noticing the small exchange of gazes between the two other boys.

Logan startled out of his thoughts and moved towards his abandoned chair. Plopping down he looked at Julian.

"Dunno. The doctor said they need to run a few tests and I guess there's nothing much we can actually do."

"Okay, whatever. I mean it's not like I could run off, right?" He laughed out loud, "it's not like I'd know where to go."

"Jules…" Derek started.

"No, it's okay, I'm compensating with humour I guess," Julian said with a shrug looking a little lost and miserable.

"That's just like you. You'd never tell anyone how miserable you really are."

"So, it looks like deep down I'm still me."

"You'll always be you, no matter what. I'm sure you'll get your memories back but even if you don't, we'll be here with you and remind you of who you used to be," Derek promised, looking at Logan for confirmation. Julian still seemed uneasy, unsure of how to handle the situation. Julian didn't feel reassured by Logan's behaviour at all. Trying to coax more out of his friends he smiled.

"So, how did I end up here?"

"Jules," Logan began tentatively, "I don't think we should talk about that right now. You have to get better first and then we'll have time to talk about everything. Just…just concentrate on getting better, okay?"

Julian looked at the two boys sitting in front of his bed. He still couldn't shake the feeling that something more was going on here, and no one was telling him about it. But despite having no memories of them, knowing that these two apparently cared enough about him to want to protect him was sending a warm feeling through his body. It was weird to think that they had all those memories of them together while they were strangers to him.

"Yeah, I guess. Just, it feels like there's this huge part that is missing, like there's this huge thing that I shouldn't forget, but I did and it doesn't feel right."

Derek put his hand once more on top of Julian's, trying to calm him down.

"Don't beat yourself up, Jules. Maybe it'll take time but we'll figure it out and it'll be alright."

For a moment Julian's eyes fell back onto Logan's uneasy, frightened expression before the blond could put on a brave face for him.

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room, leaving the three boys to their own thoughts.

Julian still couldn't shake the feeling that they were hiding something from him. Something that would explain why he was here in the first place and why they tried to keep the truth from him. What was the reason for all this? Was the accident his fault? Had he caused it? He simply had to know.

"Did…did I blow up the school or something? Is that why I'm here and sexy over there looks like someone held a candle to his hair?"

The atmosphere in the room shifted in an instant. Derek pressed his lips together tightly, trying and failing so obviously to hide his amusement. Julian shot a quick look at Logan, who seemed to have stopped breathing altogether.

A lazy smirk played on Julian's lips as he looked back at Derek who was now shaking with silent laughter.

"Oh sorry, so I blew up the school didn't I? I shouldn't have said anything?"

Derek tried to control his laughter but almost choked and was thrown into a coughing fit. It took him a few more seconds to calm down enough to answer Julian's question.

"No you didn't, Julian. Wow you must've damaged your head pretty badly to even think that."

Julian looked confused at the other boy for a moment.

"And that was so funny that you almost choked to death?"

"No," he cracked another smile, "god no," another round of laughter escaped Derek. "Just… the way…you…you called Logan 'sexy over there' just… Look at him. He's all uncomfortable and…" Derek stopped talking instantly after a very stern look from Logan.

"Uhm…oooookay. I still don't get it though. He's hot and I bet he knows it." Once again Logan's eyes widened and Derek finally gave up and burst into laughter.

Julian started to feel like they were making fun of him. What the hell was going on? Maybe he should just shut up and not say anything. His headache slowly started to send a dull throbbing through his head again and Derek laughing about him and Logan looking all uncomfortable really started to piss him off.

"What the fuck?" he snapped glaring at his… well, his friends. "If you're done laughing about the guy with amnesia, kindly show your sorry asses the fuck out of my room."

Derek stopped laughing at once, staring at Julian, eyes wide before dropping his gaze and looking guiltily at the ground.

"Jules…"

"Don't you 'Jules' me. I'm sick of you laughing about me and of blondie over there not telling me anything. So fuck off…"

"Calm down, diva," Logan snapped, earning himself a death glare from Julian, as well as a slap across the back of his head from Derek.

"Hit him again, would ya? I can't quite reach him right now," Julian quipped, eyes still blazing with anger.

For a second Logan shrunk back into his chair, trying to get out of Derek's reach.

"Oh wow you're really afraid of him aren't you?" Julian said, smirking at Logan.

"Shut up, prima donna," Logan said weakly, the small smile that played on his lips deceiving him.

"No, but Julian, you have to trust us. We're your friends and we're here for you no matter what."

"Yeah, I got that the first fifty times around. You sound like a broken record."

"Okay, okay, got it. So…" Derek trailed off, looking at Logan for help but the blond only shrugged in response.

Silence hung weary in the bland room as the three boys looked around the room, not wanting to meet each other's eyes. Julian huffed inwardly. What was he supposed to talk about to these two? He hardly knew them, although there still was this feeling he couldn't shake off. Despite not knowing or at least not remembering them, it still felt calming in a way to talk to them. At least until they ran out of things to talk about. Well, there still was the story of how he ended up in here to talk about but he was sick of being shut down by them.

"Well, this is sufficiently awkward," Julian said, staring out the window.

"Sorry, we…"

"Stop apologizing. I get it, it's weird talking to me, while I don't even remember you."

"That's not…"

"Cut the bullshit alright? I have amnesia, I'm not stupid. Don't you think I understand how fucked up this is?"

"Julian stop…"Logan started but was cut off by Julian once again.

"No, I don't want to stop. This is how it's going to be. I don't remember anything and that's that. Deal with it. Leave me alone. My head is pounding and it hurts like fucking hell. So just leave," Julian all but begged, his hands pressed to his temples. "Please," he added as an afterthought.

The two boys looked at each other, still unsure of what to do.

"I mean it. I need some time for myself. It's just… there's so much going through my head right now and I'm just tired of trying to remember, so please… please get out," his eyes pricked with unshed tears, he willed himself not to cry. The last thing he wanted right now was to show weakness, even in front of his… in front of Logan and Derek.

"Okay," Derek said after a quick look at Julian. He stood up and turned towards Logan. "Come on then, Logan. We'll let him get some rest," turning back to Julian, he gave him a lazy smile. "It's getting late anyways and we still have to drive back to Dalton."

Reluctantly Logan stood up, eyes fixed intently on Julian as if he was afraid the brunet might vanish the second he looked away.

"But I don't…"

"Logan, give him his space. He just woke up without remembering anything. Try to imagine how you'd feel." Julian wasn't sure but he thought he heard Logan mutter "Probably much better than I do now," under his breath. Derek looked at Julian apologetically and then questioningly. "If it's alright with you we could come back tomorrow. You know, just to talk or… whatever."

While the other two boys, well actually Derek was the only one who already stood at the door, got ready to leave, Julian had shrunk back in on himself; his arms clutching his body tightly and his gaze lingering on the blanket.

"Julian?" Logan asked, voice quivering, eyes flitting from Julian to Derek and back again. It was a small movement but Derek caught Julian's shrug anyway.

"Good, that's settled then. We'll be back tomorrow for visiting hours and there's no stopping us," Derek said the last bit with a smile on his face, trying once again to reassure Julian that they weren't leaving him to deal with this on his own.

"Whatever," Julian's whispered reply wa barely audible in the room.

Derek glared at Logan before pushing him closer to the door.

"See you tomorrow then, get some rest," Derek said as he opened the door. "Oh your mother should get here some time later tonight, at least that what she said last time I talked to her." With that Derek waved a bit awkwardly in Julian's direction before stepping out of the room.

Logan lingered in the doorway, unwilling to leave Julian alone. Holding the door open with one hand he cleared his throat trying to get Julian's attention. Slowly the other boy looked up at him.

"I'm sorry… for…for making you uncomfortable and upset. It's just," he paused, searching for the right words, "it's just difficult to accept this." He stopped himself again and ran a hand through his hair. "Wow, that sounded really selfish, even for me." Julian could feel the edges of his mouth lazily lifting up, a smile spreading on his lips. "Just… I want, no, I need you to get better and remember, Julian. Please," the blond said intently, eyes boring into Julian's, willing him to understand. "I put your phone on the nightstand… I…if there's anything you need tonight or you want to talk, my number's in there. Don't… I mean… whatever it is, just call or text me, okay?"

Julian nodded, wringing his hands in his lap.

"Okay, I'll go then. See you tomorrow. Bye." Logan turned and closed the door behind him, not catching Julian's whispered "Goodbye."


	2. Chapter 2

Left to his own thoughts, Julian grabbed the black phone from his nightstand and started turning it over and over in his hands. His mind wandered to Logan and his last words. He had said that he needed him to remember. Remember what though? How was he supposed to remember something that had been wiped from his memory without anyone telling him anything? How was he supposed to even remotely know what Logan had meant? It could be anything.

With a quick motion he unlocked the phone's touchscreen and scrolled through his contacts. He paid no attention to the first couple of entries, the first one he found was Derek's number and shortly after that an entry labelled 'Dolce, Mum'. Interesting, he thought, apparently not a number he dialled very often, otherwise he wouldn't have to keep it in his phone because he'd be able to remember it. Julian shrugged, guessing they weren't that close if his mother had sent him to a boarding school across the country.

Scrolling further down, he stopped at Logan's name. He had a hard time making sense of everything that had happened since he woke up.

Julian slowly started listing the things he knew in his head.

"My name is Julian Larson-Armstrong. I'm 17 years old and apparently an actor. Earlier today I woke up from a coma after I was involved in a catastrophe at the boarding school I attend. I know that I have something to do with that but no one explained anything to me. I have two best friends of whom I have no memories. Derek and Logan seem to be genuinely worried about me though, so we have to be kind of close."

Julian paused, wracking his brain for more facts about his life.

"Come on, this can't be everything that is left. There's got to be more…" Frustrated Julian lay back down, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He couldn't even remember the simplest things, nothing. Did he have a nice childhood or were his parents always trying to push him into acting? Was he close with his dad? Did he teach him how to throw a ball? How to climb trees? Did he have brothers and sisters? Or maybe a pet? With a jolt Julian sat back up again. There was something on the tip of his tongue, a name. Something important, something close to his heart. Some…someone to keep him company. "Sonic," he whispered, feeling the name run off his tongue easily. That's got to be something right?

In his haste to discover who exactly Sonic was to him, he dropped his phone twice before sending a quick text to Logan

**Julian:** Who's Sonic?

**Logan:** You remembered something.

**Julian:** Yes. So?

**Logan:** Out of everything you could've remembered you remembered him? Why couldn't you just remember something about me?

Julian rolled his eyes. Why was Logan making it so easy for him to mock him?

**Julian:** Huh, I can't see the reason why my brain would ignore anything about you. Tell me.

**Logan:** He's your pet. Couldn't you remember anything important?

**Julian:** Ass. If I remembered him that means he's important. What kind of pet?

**Logan:** Doesn't seem that important if you can't even remember his species.

**Julian:** Fuck you.

**Logan:** Eloquent as always.

Julian threw his phone back onto the covers angrily. Why did this guy have to be so frustrating? Taking a few deep breaths he tried to calm himself. A minute later his phone buzzed again.

**Logan:** He's a hedgehog and yes, he's important to you.

**Logan:** I'm sorry for being annoying. If it makes you feel better, Derek hit me again.

**Julian:** You sure have to apologize a lot.

**Julian:** You deserved being hit. :P

**Logan:** Yeah, it's a problem. Just…

**Julian:** Just what Logan? More you're not telling me?

**Logan:** No

Before Julian could send an angry text back, his phone buzzed again.

**Logan:** Ok, kind of but it's difficult.

**Julian:** More difficult than trying to remember your whole life?

**Logan:** I'm sorry…again…

**Julian:** Stop apologizing

**Julian:** Or start telling me stuff.

**Logan:** I can't…

**Logan:** At least not like this.

**Julian:** You realize you're driving me crazy, right? Either tell me or just shut up.

**Logan:** I know but it's just not the right time nor the best way via text.

**Julian:** Then get your cute ass back here.

**Julian:** Ignore the cute.

**Logan:** I can't. Not today. We'll be back first thing in the morning. Promise.

**Julian:** Whatever Wright.

**Logan:** You always call me Wright when you're pissed.

**Julian:** Huh, something I can add to the list.

**Logan:** List?

**Julian:** Stuff I know. Stuff I remembered. But it's a short list. Derek's list of girls he hooked up with is at least ten times longer.

**Logan:** Add that to the list.

**Julian:** Huh?

**Logan:** I'm not sure if he has an actual list but it would be long. So that's something you remembered.

**Julian:** Yay, something else came back that isn't important in the slightest.

**Logan:** It'll all come back.

**Julian:** Whatever

**Julian:** Got2go. The doc wants to run some tests.

**Logan:** Ok, text me when you're done.

**Logan:** I mean, if you want to.

**Julian:** I will. Bye.

**Logan:** Bye.

Sighing Julian put the phone back onto the little nightstand and turned to the doctor, forcing a smile on his face.

"Okay, I'm ready to go," Julian said, pulling the covers off himself and shimmying to the edge of the bed, slowly trying to get out of it.

"Oh no," the doctor interjected quickly, holding a hand up to stop Julian from actually getting up. "We've got a wheelchair for you." A blonde nurse appeared in the doorway pushing a wheelchair into the room.

"No freaking way," Julian all but shouted, "I can walk. I won't let you wheel me around like a cripple. I'm fine." Crossing his arms in front of his chest he glared at the doctor who in turn only raised an eyebrow.

"Julian, this isn't up for discussion. You've got severe burns on your leg and it's bandaged up so you can't even bend your knee. So, the wheelchair it is."

Julian stared at the doctor for a few more seconds before sighing dramatically and slowly slipping into the wheelchair that the nurse had pushed right next to his bed.

"Good. We'll just run a few more tests and you'll be back here in no time," the doctor said, patting Julian's shoulder reassuringly.

Almost three hours later Julian was on the verge of sleep, tired out from the tests as well as from the more than difficult and awkward conversation with his mother, when he remembered his promise to Logan.

During the ordeal of the different tests the doctor had decided were needed, his thoughts had kept wandering back to the blond boy. When his mother had turned up just after dinner, he had been relieved to have something else to do than wonder about Logan and what he was hiding.

His mother hadn't been a big help when it came to questions pertaining Logan and Derek. She'd told him a lot about his childhood and his success in Hollywood. But when he had asked about Logan, his mother had only said that they were close. Every other question had seemed idiotic after that because his mother clearly wasn't as involved in his everyday life as "normal" parents. In the end he had decided that it would only lead to more awkwardness if he had asked after his sexual orientation or maybe deeper feelings for anyone else. Logan had told him that he wasn't with anyone, so he was sure that there weren't any other feelings he had forgotten.

All through the conversation with his mother he had tried to wrack his brain for actual pictures and memories of what she was telling him or anything that connected to Derek and Logan but that had once again only ended with a headache.

Julian reached for his phone, his heart fluttering just a little bit at the thought of talking to Logan. It was weird how comforting the mere thought of Logan was. When he had woken up he hadn't even known who the other boy was and after only a few hours it seemed like Logan was the strongest connection to his memories that he had.

Everything he had remembered had come back while he was talking to Logan or thinking about him. Maybe this was his best shot at getting his memories back: Talking to Logan, hoping that his memories would come back along the way.

A soft chuckle escaped him. Why was he lying to himself? He didn't _have_ to need a reason to talk to Logan, when in fact he couldn't get the blond out of his head.

Before he could talk himself out of texting Logan at all, he quickly sent a message, not really expecting Logan to answer because surely the other boy had other things on his mind than Julian.

**Julian:** Is talking to my mother always this awkward?

**Julian:** Back in my room btw. In case you wanted to know.

Sure that Logan wouldn't answer right away, Julian threw the phone back onto the nightstand only to jump up in his bed when it vibrated not even two minutes later.

**Logan:** Yes and I told you I wanted to know. How where the tests?

**Julian:** Boring, annoying, ridiculous, useless…

**Logan:** Sorry, that sucks.

**Julian:** I'll live… maybe. ;)

**Logan:** :) So how was talking to your mother? Anything else you remembered?

**Julian:** Awkward, weird, uncomfortable and no. She told me a lot but nothing seems familiar.

**Logan:** You'll remember soon.

**Julian:** Do you mind if I call you? Or are you busy? I don't want to keep you from chasing after Kurt…

Julian waited impatiently for an answer. When Logan still hadn't answered after almost ten minutes, he went back to the last text he had sent, to make sure that he had actually sent it. Rereading the words he had sent, he paused. Kurt? Who the hell was Kurt? And why is Logan chasing him?

Before he could chicken out he pressed the call button and waited for Logan to pick up. When the call connected he didn't wait for Logan to say anything, but went straight to the matter at hand.

"Who's Kurt?"

"Um…he…he's a student at Dalton." Julian could hear the wavering in Logan's voice.

"And you are chasing after him?"

For a few moments the only sound that came from Logan's end was his breathing and something that sounded a lot like fingers drumming nervously on wood.

"I was," Logan finally said reluctantly. "He transferred a few months ago and…"

"And you fell head over heels in love with him?"

"He _is_, no was, interesting. But he's with Blaine now, so that's the end of that."

"Interesting? So he's hot? But of course if he's with this Blake guy…"

"Blaine," Logan interjected.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. So he's off limits? I bet you could still get him. There's no way Blaine is hotter than you…. I mean, that's too bad."

"I just don't make a habit of chasing after taken guys… or straight guys for that matter," Logan mumbled the last part but Julian caught it anyway.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Just forget it."

"Urgh, another thing you're refusing to tell me. Do you know how frustrating you are?"

"Drop the act, Larson. I promised I'd tell you tomorrow."

"Whatever, Wright. I'm tired. I'll just go to bed now."

"Stop pouting, Julian. I can hear you pouting through the fucking phone. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"You better, or I'll come hunt you down. But I want some answers."

"I know. I promise. Goodnight, Jules."

"Night," Julian said simply, before hanging up. He had hoped that talking to Logan would make him feel better but somehow it hadn't. He hated that everyone was withholding things from him, but most of all he hated feeling so lost in his own life. Julian hoped that Logan would keep his word and that for once he'd actually get answers to his questions.

Still trying to search his brain for anything from his life, he felt himself slowly falling asleep.

* * *

_"I can't do this anymore, Julian…I freaking can't. It's too much to do, too much to take, all of it, and I'm too tired. Would it be…would it just be too much to ask…for you and Logan to just get your mess straightened out?"_

Julian's head moved from one side to the other in his sleep, eyelids fluttering as his eyes raced behind them.

_"I'll find him and go back to LA with him. I'm out of here. You don't have to worry anymore. I'm done. It's done."_

His body tensed as bits and pieces of a conversation came back to him in his dreams.

_"Sleepy time song."_

_"You can't be serious!"_

_"Sing to me." _

Images flickered before his eyes and scrambled up, not really making sense. He could hear a voice singing and realized it was his own.

_Sing me to sleep…_

_sing me to sleep…_

_I'm tired and I…_

_I want to go to bed…_

_Sing me to sleep…_

_Sing me to sleep…_

_And then leave me alone…_

The scene shifted and he saw himself talking to another blond boy.

_"…How did you get into Stuart House…?"_

Darkness shifted around in front of his eyes and Julian's body started to tremble slightly in the bed.

_"It's me he wants. I have to stay. But I can get you out of here." _

The air in his dream became hazy, as if he was watching it through some type of fog. Fog or…or smoke. His eyes started watering, a single tear making its way from the corner of his eye over his cheek before falling onto the sheets.

His fists clenched tightly as Logan materialized at the other end of the room, smoke clouding his vision as his friend stared at him.

_"Tell him." _

_"No,_ _no, please—"_

_"Tell him why you stayed in this school! Tell him why you were so desperate to keep him out of this! Tell him why I decided to drug him! Tell him why I hate him!" _

He could almost feel the slashing pain on his neck, as he felt the blade digging into his skin in his dream.

The trembling in Julian's body increased, his head was slamming from side to side, hands clenching and unclenching rapidly.

_"Tell him or I'll kill him, Julian—I will!"_

Fear raced through every single vein of Julian's body, his clothes sticking to his body with sweat

_"And now that I've told you everything—because this is everything I've kept to myself all these years—now that I've told you everything—can you just please…for the love of God, Logan…forget everything I just said—and leave while you can! Get the hell out of here—all of you!"_

He heard his own voice uttering those words, body still trembling slightly, unable to lie still.

A loud crashing sound in his dream woke Julian and he shot up straight in bed; he was panting heavily, trying to get as much air into his lungs as possible. He started coughing, almost feeling the smoke block his airways. Tears were welling up in his eyes again and spilled over. The images from his dream still present in his mind. Although he couldn't make sense of anything, the little glimpses he had gotten scared him beyond anything else.

His trembling fingers found a glass of water on his nightstand, wrapping themselves around the cold surface of it, needing to ground himself; to make him aware of being back in reality and not still trapped in his nightmare.

It took him almost half an hour to calm down and be able to take even breaths, another fifteen minutes to stop his body from shaking. Julian was exhausted as he fell back into a calm sleep.

When he woke up in the morning, he felt a little bit more relaxed than he had the previous day. The images and words of his nightmare were still very present in his head but he couldn't make any more sense of everything than he could last night. He tried his best to put everything he had seen in to perspective.

He had talked to Derek, in his dream. But the other boy had sounded so different in his memories; tired, exhausted and just a little bit annoyed with him. Julian couldn't make sense of his own behaviour. Who was he going to find? That other blond boy? No, something was off about that guy. It looks like Julian had planned to go back to LA, leave school and whatever mess he had gotten himself into behind.

Then something had happened to Logan and for some reason Julian had been the one to tuck him into bed and ended up singing for Logan.

Then there was the matter of that other blond boy. Julian didn't have any clue who that was. Another student? Another friend? Someone he might've even trusted? No, that couldn't be right. Everything that happened afterwards had been the boys fault.

He had dragged him into a burning building, hadn't Logan and Derek said something about a burning Art Hall? So that must've been the Art Hall. All the while that boy had been saying weird things that Julian couldn't quite recall. There had been others, others that he had tried to save, he had wanted to get them out of there. It didn't make sense to him. Had everything been his fault?

Then the most confusing part. The other blond boy had forced him to tell Logan something that he had apparently kept a secret, even or maybe especially, from his best friend; something that he'd been keeping from his friend for years. Julian searched his brain, needing to know what it was more than anything. It was important and on some level it felt like if he'd be able to remember this thing, his other memories might just come back as well.

Julian tried to regulate his breathing, taking deep controlled breaths, hoping it would help him to find what he was looking for.

What could've possibly been so important to hide from his friend that he had actually begged him to forget whatever he had just told him, no, had been forced to tell? It was a deep, dark secret that had to be connected to Logan somehow. If he didn't know anything else, he knew this. He could practically feel something important, important memories shifting around in his brain but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't put his finger on what it was.

The morning brought along more tests, all ending with the same result: Amnesia. The doctor still hadn't figured out whether it was temporary or permanent. The fact that Julian had remembered a few details made the doctors hopeful but it was way too early to say anything with certainty.

Julian was back in his room before lunch and once again left with nothing to entertain himself with. Logan had texted him earlier to tell him that he and Derek would get there after lunch. At least Logan had kept up the first part of his promise, now he only had to stand up to the second one as well, namely finally giving Julian the answers he promised.

Bored by simply staring at the disgustingly white walls of his room, Julian reached over to the nightstand and turned on the TV with the remote. He flipped through the channels and finally settled on some show that seemed like he wouldn't have to actually think about it to follow it. He watched the actors for a bit hoping that maybe they could bring on memories or something. At this point he just hoped that anything could trigger a memory, maybe a freaking bird outside or an ad or whatever.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he called for the other person to come in. A young nurse with dark hair opened the door, balancing a tray with lunch on the other hand.

"Hey, hungry?" She smiled at him a little bit too excited for just being friendly.

"Sure, I guess…" Julian said, unimpressed while he noticed that the first few buttons of her uniform were undone, revealing way too much of her cleavage to be considered appropriate in a fucking hospital. She placed the tray in front of him, making sure to lean over enough to give him a perfect view down her blouse. Julian couldn't believe that she was seriously trying to flirt with him while he was lying in a hospital bed. Or maybe he just had that kind of reputation?

When Julian didn't show any obvious interest, the nurse straightened back up and looked over at the TV screen.

"Watching yourself on TV? Bit eccentric, huh?" she said, turning her back towards him.

Julian stared at her in confusion for a moment. "Wait, what?"

"Something Damaged," she pointed at the screen, "the show you're on?"

Realisation dawned on him. Right, he was an actor and a pretty big one at that. At least that's what his mother had told him.

"Sorry, amnesia," Julian said with a wink, enjoying it a bit too much how quickly the nurse paled and a guilty expression settled on her face.

"I… I… uh…I'll just leave you to your lunch then," she sputtered as she hastily made her exit.

Julian chuckled at her instant retreat for a moment before looking back up at the screen. These were people he had worked with, so he should be able to recognize them, shouldn't he? He slowly started eating his lunch as best as possible with his eyes still glued to the screen. Something had to trigger a memory right? There must've been times where he'd been around these people every day; they had to have some shared memories. But nothing brought back anything. Not the smooth voice of a character called Matthew, not the kind of hot character Wyatt, nothing.

Frustrated with himself and not being able to remember anything he shoved the tray with food away from himself and scrunched up the sheets in his hands, screaming out his anger. Tears pricked in the corner of his eyes, hating that he couldn't remember, that his brain was refusing to work for him, refusing to give him the information he needed so badly. Needed it to feel like everything's going to be alright at one point, hopefully really, really soon. He wanted his life back, wanted to remember his friends, his childhood, but most importantly: remember who he was. That had to be the worst part of it, not knowing what had happened was one thing, something that others could actually tell him in a second, well if he asked the right people for answers, but nobody could tell him who he was, what he was thinking, feeling, believing. It all came back to relying on others to tell him about his habits, his quirks, who he was.

It felt like an hour later when a soft knock came from the door and Julian quickly wiped the back of his hands over his eyes to get rid of the last few traces of wetness in them.

"Come in," he croaked, voice a little bit raspy from emotion.

Seconds later the door opened and Derek and Logan stepped inside. Derek smiled broadly and overly friendly at him, probably trying to make him seem harmless and friendly but he was definitely going a bit overboard. Logan walked slumped behind him and for a moment Julian felt like it was so very wrong to see Logan walking slumped and hesitantly. He didn't know where it came from but in his head he saw a very different version of Logan, smiling at him from the other side of a tennis court, clad in tennis shorts, standing upright and laughing at him.

"We play tennis?" he blurted out without really meaning to.

The two boys startled, not even having closed the door. Derek smiled even wider.

"Sometimes. Well the last time must've been during holidays. Logan and you were playing and you were so useless that day that we switched. You went for a swim instead and…" Derek turned around to smile painfully sweet at Logan, "and then I defeated him like I was playing a toddler. I can't quite recall but I think he was distracted by something. Logan? Do you remember what was so distracting?"

The blond only glared at his friend. "Shut up Derek."

"Oh wow, you're in a good mood today," Julian joked, "and here I thought seeing my face would brighten your day just like that."

Derek had walked over to one of the chairs and sat down, eyes twinkling into Logan's direction. Hesitating, seeming as if all he wanted to do was turn around and run for cover, Logan finally started shuffling over to the second chair and plopped down.

"So did you lose your ability to talk? You promised."

Logan grumbled and sat up straighter. "I can talk, I just don't like what Derek is doing."

"What's he doing then?"

"Making stuff complicated."

Julian laughed out loud, "Like stuff isn't complicated enough already. I don't think there's much room left to the top of the scale."

"Jules…I… there's a whole lot of more room to super complicated trust me and I have no intentions to reach that point."

"Why do I get all the blame for this? He remembered something and I just told him what happened. I can't help you if you decide to withhold part of the story." Derek earned himself another glare from Logan.

"Derek, just get us coffee or something. You're so not helping right now."

Julian tried to hide a chuckle but failed epically.

Derek stood up with a huff. "Fine, if you don't need me here, I'll go do something useful, like pick up a nurse or something. Is there a hot one on duty?"

This time Julian couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud. "Yeah, there's a dark haired one and she practically pressed her boobs into my face. Really shameless."

"Ah that's no fun at all. It's boring when they just offer themselves like that."

"Just go, D," Logan growled and after another harsh look from the blond, Derek actually got up and made to leave. At the door he turned back towards the room and scowled at his friends.

"Behave, alright? I know this is a hospital but one of you in a bed is more than enough for my tastes." Shooting one last "tell him"-look at Logan, Derek left the room.

When the door closed, silence settled over the two boys, no one new how to start what was definitely going to be an awkward conversation.

"I… uh…I don't know where to start," Logan mumbled, eyes trained on the hands in his lap.

"Why don't you start by coming closer over here so I don't have to shout through the whole room?"

The blond looked up, staring straight at Julian, hesitating for only a second before standing up and pulling his chair closer to the bed before sitting back down.

"Better, diva?" Logan sneered.

"It's a start squid," Julian shot back, a smile on his lips.

"Well, well, look who's getting better and better. You're almost back to your old witty standards. I'm impressed, guess there is more genetic bitchiness and diva in you than I thought."

"Very funny, Logan," Julian dead panned, the smile giving his amusement away.

The brunet shifted in his bed, feeling the pain starting to throb through his whole body, his face clearly showing the effect his wounds had on him.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything? Something to drink? Pain meds?"

"Had I known that this was what it'd take for you to notice me, I'd of done something stupid years ago."

"What?" Logan rasped out, eyes wide, not believing his ears.

"Wow, are you always this deaf? I said that, had I known this was all it'd take for you to notice me some more, I would've like broken a bone two years ago. Uhm... why… I don't understand why I even said that."

"You… I… uh…"

"Are you incapable of coherent sentences, Logan?"

"No, it's just… How can you only remember the really hard bits?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, everything you remember is something that is too hard to explain. It's not something that I can just tell you, it's… it's complicated. It's something you can only find out yourself, something that you have to find out yourself. I can't… I can't tell you everything. I don't…"

"You don't what, Logan?"

"Do you want to know why I sat at your bedside the whole time? Why I wouldn't let them treat my burns or anything, why I couldn't bear to even be away for the short minutes that I had to?"

"Of course, that's why you're here right? To tell me the things I can't remember."

"Yes, no, I mean… Kind of. It's just so much more complicated than this."

"Just spit it out."

"Okay, but I have to start at the very beginning. And there are things I cannot tell you. Things that I need you to remember. I need you to so badly."

"You're not making any sense. I don't understand a single word."

"I know and I'm very sorry but I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize u- this. You, your memories."

"Do I always get this sense of wanting to punch your face in when I'm talking to you?"

Logan chuckled, "Yeah, well a lot of the times you do."

Julian smiled at his friend, it felt almost normal to be bantering like that but what was normal, in a situation like this? He couldn't say, it was too complicated.

"Okay, now that we cleared that out of the way, you can start telling me what exactly happened."

"I said that I'm going to and I'm keeping my word."

"Okay, good, otherwise I'd have to tell Derek to hit you again."

"Yeah, no need for that. Okay, I guess it all began with, uhm… oh god this is harder than I expected it to be."

"Just spit it out, Logan."

Logan braced himself, wringing his hands in his lap, trying to find the right words. "Your mother told you that you're an actor and a fan favourite at that. So people love you, some maybe a bit too much. I'm not exactly sure when it started, I only know what I learned the night of Parent's night, the night I found out about everything. And the things Derek could tell me."

"What did you find out that night? What? I don't understand."

"Sorry, sorry…" Logan stuttered, "I'm not… I don't know how to fucking do this. Okay, I'm going to try this again, without skipping around in what happened."

"Oh god, are you really that bad at telling a simple story?"

"Oh shut up, diva. Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"Of course, but can you stop making absolutely no sense?"

"How'd you know whether I make sense or not? You can't fucking remember anything," Logan snapped, clearly losing his patience.

Julian glared at the blond, anger pulsing through his body. "Fuck you very much, Logan. I can't believe you're that angry at me for what happened. You keep saying that I didn't blow up the Art Hall but here you are, yelling at me like I destroyed everything." The brunet looked at Logan and if looks could kill… Julian stared at his friend wondering why the blond hadn't shot anything back yet. The silence was unsettling until Logan finally looked back up. "You did," he whispered, gaze dropping back to the hands in his lap, leaving Julian stunned in shock.

What did the other boy mean with that? So it was true? Everything had been his fault? But why did Derek say that he didn't blow up the Art Hall? Well, maybe it didn't blow up but simply burn down and Derek had just wanted to protect him yesterday. Nothing made sense anymore. The images in his dream last night flitted before his eyes but they made even less sense than last night.

Julian took a deep breath before looking at Logan again. "Wright, tell me what the fuck happened and don't even try to get out of it. I want to hear the whole story. No matter how much you hate me for whatever role I played in all this. You said we are friends, then stop tip-toeing around the subject and man the fuck up. Tell me exactly what happened. And if you still decide that I destroyed everything, whatever everything is, you can kindly fuck off and leave me alone. Or even better, go be useful and find Derek, at least he'll tell me what happened."

"Yeah, yeah just run off to Derek and cry to him over how mean I am. Jesus Christ Julian, will you ever grow up?"

"Shut up, I don't remember my childhood so technically I should be allowed to act a little childish," Julian snapped, his voice sounding even louder than it was in the otherwise silent room.

"Well, nothing new to that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you always seem to end up pouting and crying to Derek over whatever the hell I've done. Guess you just can't help it. You just have to act like a little girl." Logan sneered, eyes sparkling with anger and something else, something like joy underneath his angry façade.

"Fuck you, Logan. You have no right to treat me like that. No matter what I did or what happened, you're an arrogant, egoistical bastard. How are we even friends?" Julian shouted.

"We are what we are Julian. And we are always like that. We shout at each other and try to hurt the other one with words, that's just who we are." He paused for a moment before continuing in a calmer voice, "I know that I should be comforting you and helping you, but it's just tough when you're this frustrating all the fucking time. We always do this. When someone needs to blow off steam, we can always go to the other one to let it out because no matter what is said or done we'll always be alright afterwards."

For a moment Julian sat there in a stunned silence. This wasn't what he had expected at all.

"So this is normal?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so it seems like at least something is normal in this messed up situation."

"Yeah, not much has changed and yet everything has."

Julian sighed, searching Logan's face for emotions. Most of the time he thought that he could read the other one pretty well but right now he couldn't figure out what was going on behind his green eyes. It unnerved him and made him uneasy.

"So, do you want to get all philosophical on me or finally tell me everything?"

"Can I pick being philosophical?" Logan asked smirking innocently at Julian.

"No," Julian shot back.

"Okay, I'll try okay? Don't get mad and go all diva on me if I don't know how to explain something. I'm trying okay?"

"You're an ass."

"Aw how I've missed your oh so original insults."

"Cut it, Wright. I want to know."

"Geesh, you're worse than Derek during a dry spell."

Julian simply sneered in response, not even bothering to grace that with an answer.

"Okay, so you had been gone for a while, filming something before you just strutted back into Stuart like you owned the place." Julian frowned. Stuart?

Logan must have seen the confused look on his face because he quickly added "Oh sorry right. Stuart is one of the three houses at Dalton. Like dorms."

"Like Hogwarts houses?" Julian said without thinking, before confusion washed over his face once more.

Logan chuckled and rolled his eyes at the brunet. "Now, looks like you finally remembered something important."

"What's Hogwarts?" Julian asked, voice shy and almost too low for Logan to hear.

"Oh, this is going to be fun. Reintroducing you to everything," Logan replied, kindness showing in his eyes. "It's actually from a book, one that means a lot to all of us. But let's talk about that later, okay?"

Julian nodded and shifted slowly in the bed, feeling a dull pain throbbing through his legs.

"So, anyways, you came back to Dalton and for a while things were okay, although I can remember little moments where I should've noticed that something was up. I should've realized it then." Logan paused for a moment, running a hand through his hair. "Like I said before, you're loved by your fans and some push the limit of being just a fan and being completely obsessed and maybe even dangerous. What I didn't know, what you only trusted Derek and apparently Kurt with, was… um… was that one of your fans went completely off the rails and…" Logan paused again, sighing deeply and wringing his hands in his lap.

"Just spit it out, Lo."

For a moment Julian saw Logan's eyes lighting up at the nickname, but the other one quickly composed his facial features.

"He became so obsessed with you that he threatened your life in case if you accepted a role in a movie."

"Wait, someone threatened my life because of a stupid role in a movie?"

"Yes, it was because your character was supposed to marry another one and your stalker didn't really like that."

Julian felt his skin crawl, he was growing hot and wished he could just get up and stand by the open window. Someone had really threatened his life because of something as unimportant as a role in a movie. Why would anyone do that? It was just a movie, no matter how madly in love that person was, they had no right to threaten him.

"Okay, so what happened? I didn't take the role, right? And I called the police and told them everything, right?"

"Jules, you… You have to understand that I didn't know about any of this until Derek told me."

"Please, tell me that I did the only logical thing and didn't accept the role and told someone about it."

"You…you were scared and you needed a reason to leave Dalton. You'd almost left the school when the stalker, who was already disguised as a student at Dalton, scared you with something. Something that he knew would keep you at the school, make you stay, forced what had made you want to leave into the background because he was a larger threat. I didn't know what was driving you away at that point but Derek told me."

"I suppose you can't tell me?"

"No, sorry," Logan said a soft smile on his face.

"Okay," Julian paused for a moment, "So, I stayed at school, even though I knew that a crazy stalker was out to get me? I must be either really stupid or have a death wish."

"Julian, stop it. That guy threatened not only you but people that are important to you." Logan reached his hand over and rested it over Julian's "He threatened us. He left you a picture with my face torn out and Derek's scratched. He went after us, me and Derek, because he thought we were standing in the way of you two being together. And you stupid bastard had to put our safety above yours, so you stayed."

Julian blinked, eyes dropping to their hands, feeling a tingling where Logan's skin met his.

"Of course, that makes sense. I'd do everything to protect you, Logan," Julian lazily stroked his thumb over the back of Logan's hand and lost himself in the comfortable touch of for a moment, before he realized what he had just said. "I… I mean… you and Derek. I would do everything to protect you and Derek. You're my friends and from everything you've told me so far we're pretty close, looking out for each other and all that, remember?" Julian lifted his eyes back up to smirk at Logan as he repeated the words he had said yesterday. He noticed how glazed and seemingly wet Logan's eyes were and saw him swallowing slowly He almost groaned out loud at the sight of his Adam's apple bobbing sinfully.

"Yeah, I know. But you could've, no, you should've told me."

Julian squeezed Logan's hand for a moment. "I guess apologizing right now would seem a bit redundant with me not remembering anything," he smirked at the boy, trying to let him know that despite not remembering he knew that he had messed up. "I'm sure I had a damn good reason to keep it from you though."

"I know you did but I just wish I hadn't needed to hear all of this from Derek."

"Once again, for what it's worth right now, I'm sorry."

"I know," Logan whispered, thumb stroking over Julian's hand carefully.

The two boys looked at each other, comfortable silence settling in the room, the only sounds their breathing. Julian searched for something, what exactly he didn't know, in Logan's face. Maybe a sign of who they were, what exactly they were and most importantly what this feeling was. A feeling that rushed over him, through every fibre of his body when he looked at Loga, and intensified whenever the other boy looked straight back at him. Julian couldn't place the expression but in a way it was as if Logan was seeing him for the first time. Julian's memory loss couldn't be the only reason for Logan to see him in a new way, like there's suddenly something there that hadn't been before. He needed to know why he was looking at him like that more than anything. If he could unravel this maybe the rest would fall into place.

"So a guy stalked me, threatened me, and even got into our school?"

"Yes," Logan said simply, obviously trying to gauge his reaction to all this information.

"So, am I out and proud like you or hiding in the closet and that guy just didn't care whether I'm gay or straight?"

"Remember when I said that there were things you had to figure out for yourself? This is one of them."

"But you know?"

For a moment Logan broke the eye contact and stared at the wall behind Julian.

"I…" he began, voice unsteady, "I know to some extent how you feel, felt… uh yeah. But I need you to make up your own mind about this. Nobody can decide or tell you how you're supposed to feel," Logan paused again and took a deep breath before continuing. "And no one is pushing you to make any decisions right now, no one expects you to."

"I know. It's just weird to not know the simplest things about yourself."

Julian felt Logan's hand shaking on top of his and looked up in confusion, only to see Logan shaking with laughter.

"I'm glad I amuse you," Julian said drily.

"No…"Logan was gasping for air, trying to explain himself to Julian. "That's not it. Just the fact that you think that sexual orientation is one of the simple things is kind of adorable."

"Screw you. It is to me right now. I don't know anything about me at all, so please enlighten me and tell me what would be a more appropriate or easier thing to start with, your majesty."

"Whatever you say, diva."

"Shut up, Logan. You're confusing me and that's annoying as hell, so why not start there? Stop being so frustrating."

"I….I con-…wait what? I'm confusing you?" Logan stuttered, definitely not one of his finer moments Julian noted.

"You… I mean yeah. Kind of…" Julian muttered. "You only tell me half of the things I'm asking you for, you refuse to talk about certain topics all together and well, you're you." Julian's eyes dropped back to the sheets, uncomfortable with what he'd said, wondering if it even made sense or if Logan could see what he'd meant, wishing he could take it back altogether.

"What do you mean with 'I am me' Julian? You're not making any sense."

"Forget it, Logan. You're a squid; as always you're oblivious to everything. God, you're frustrating." Julian said loudly, scrunching up the blanket with his free hand. He started to pull the other one out from underneath Logan's but the blond only tightened his grip on him.

"Let go, Logan," Julian barked, feeling the anger pulse inside him.

Logan simply looked at him, unimpressed.

" ," he repeated, harsher than before.

"Is that really what you want?" Logan asked calmly, looking at Julian with soft eyes.

Julian's breath hitched for a moment, skin prickling under the other one's gaze.

"I… yes… I…no…. I mean…I don't know," his voice broke, eyes watering once again. This was so frustrating, every time he tried to unravel something, he ended up in a dead end, where he either couldn't remember anything or Logan refused to tell him something.

He was stuck in a maze of half-truths and various pieces of different stories and facts about himself. It was like at the start of a puzzle where you have two matching pieces here and a few completely unrelated pieces there but they don't fit together yet. It doesn't make sense; you can't make out the picture.

Anger started bubbling up inside him again. Anger focused on himself and his inability to remember, focused at Logan for being frustrating and only telling him half of the things he asked. But he was angrier about being so confused by the mixed signals he was projecting and receiving from Logan.

"Are you alright, Jules?" Logan's soft question was accompanied by a gentle squeeze of his hand.

"Of course I'm not, smartass," Julian snapped, regretting his harsh outbreak almost instantly when he saw the hurt wash over Logan's face. Julian felt the blond starting to pull his hand away and this time it was Julian who gripped the other's hand tightly, holding on for dear life.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to snap like that. I'm just so confused. It…sometimes it feels like I'm remembering something but I can never be sure of that can I? It's like my brain is playing a game of what is real and what is fantasy. I don't know why I'm thinking or saying certain things. They pop up out of nowhere and I just need to know." Logan looked at him; the hurt on his face was gone, replaced by sadness in his eyes.

"I just," Julian's voice broke and he had to clear his throat before he could continue. "There's something I have to ask you. And please, no excuses this time. I just need to know this."

Logan raised an eyebrow, giving Julian the time to ask what he needed to.

"Is there something hanging in the air between us or am I imagining it? You don't have to tell me what it is but I know… I feel like there is something and while I don't know what it is, I know that it's there or at least I think so. But I feel like there's something when you look at me and when I look at you… does that even make sense? I don't know, I just… is there something?" Julian gasped for air after rushing everything out.

For a second Logan just stared at him, before his thumb slowly stroked over the back of Julian's hand.

"Logan?" He whispered, begging for an answer.

The blond sighed, "Yes… there is something but I can't tell you." He shifted to the edge of the chair, closer to Julian and gripped both of Julian's hands in his. Holding his gaze Logan took a deep breath before speaking. "I can't tell you but I need you to remember. Not today or tomorrow or even this month but at one point you have to remember Jules, please… until then I'll be right here with you, as long as you want me, helping you to remember the little things." One of Logan's hands disentangled itself from Julian's and he raised it as if to caress Julian's cheek. But before he could reach it, they both jumped in their respective seat as someone knocked harshly on the door and effectively shook them out of their little bubble.

"Yes?" Julian croaked, hands still holding on to Logan's. When the door opened to reveal Derek, three cups of coffee in his hands, both boys let go of each other as if stung by a bee. Logan quickly scooted back on his chair, leaning away from Julian effectively.

Julian couldn't help but feel disappointed, already missing the warmth and the grounding feeling Logan's hand had provided.

"I see you're both still alive," Derek said, smirking at the two of them.

"Yes and still not done," Julian replied through clenched teeth, throwing a dirty look at Logan.

"Come on, Larson. That's not only my fault. You keep interrupting me."

"Yeah, because you're crap at telling me everything," Julian snapped.

"Well, looks like nothing has changed between you two."

"And yet everything has changed," Julian and Logan said at the same time. Both turned to look at the other and Julian could see the faintest smile tugging Logan's lips up.

"Looks like I missed philosophy 101," Derek chuckled. "So what has he told you so far?"

Julian shrugged. "Not much. He told me about the stalker and that the psycho threatened my life because of a stupid role in a movie. And that the guy somehow managed to get into Dalton as a student to be close to me. That… that's where he stopped."

Derek nodded once and moved towards the second chair in the room. After handing Julian and Logan their respective cups, he sat down.

"I don't even know if I like coffee," Julian said in a small voice accepting the cup nevertheless.

"You're a Stuart, you bleed coffee," Derek quipped with a smile on his face before a weird expression crossed his face, "Stuart is…"

"Like one of the Hogwarts houses, I know," Julian interrupted him, shooting a smile at Logan.

"Another inside joke?" Derek asked.

"Kind of," Logan said with a chuckle.

"Okay then," Derek paused for a moment, "so Adam, the stalker, came to Dalton and tried to befriend you."

"Please tell me that I saw right through it and shot him down."

"Not exactly, um…it's sort of complicated."

Julian huffed, "If I had a dollar for every time either one of you told me that it's complicated I'd be rich enough to buy this hospital."

"Alright, alright. Sorry. Okay, I guess you…uh… needed some space from Stuart and so you…uh hung out with him. He's a fanboy… so he kind of let it show that he adores you and I guess you needed that at the time." Uncomfortable and tense silence hung over the room as what Derek had just told him settled in in Julian's mind. Not only had his stalker followed him to Dalton, no, he had also befriended him unknowingly. How could he have let in a stranger so readily without being suspicious?

"No one knew, Julian. No one even so much as suspected it." It was as if Logan had read his thoughts.

"But…" he began, only to be interrupted by Logan.

"No buts. He seemed completely normal, well apart from following you around like a puppy."

This somehow calmed him. If no one else had noticed anything, how could he have been expected to?

"Okay, so this stalker followed me around after threatening me if I decided to make the movie or leave Dalton?"

"Yes," Derek said softly.

"Alright, go on. What brought me here?" Julian asked, eyes locked on Logan once again.

"A few people started finding out that you had a stalker and well, Dwight and Laura decided to play detective and Adam must've snapped or something. He held Kurt and Reed hostage in the Art Hall and then dragged you in there, too."

"Yeah well, after knocking me out."

"Dwight? Laura? Reed? Is this the same Kurt?"

"Oh sorry, yeah the same Kurt. Dwight and Reed attend Dalton as well, and Laura is the sister of another student."

"Okay, go on."

"Derek was knocked out and I had only started to slowly get back to my senses while Adam took you to the Art Hall. Soon after you were taken there, to Kurt and Reed, a fire broke out on the first floor and Adam was completely out of control. Now this, again, is only what I've been told by Kurt and Reed who were in there with you. You tried to bargain with Adam, to persuade him to let them go because it was you he wanted. But those two wouldn't leave you."

"It's me he wants. I have to stay but I can get you out of here," Julian whispered, hands trembling.

"What?" Derek said, his voice breaking Julian out of his reverie.

The brunet took a deep breath. "That's what I said...in…in my dream, well nightmare. I'm not sure it's even real."

Logan gripped Julian's hands in his again and the actor relaxed under the warm touch of the other boy.

"What else was in that dream Jules?" Logan asked, voice almost a whisper as if he was scared to upset Julian even more.

"I don't know. It's not like they are whole memories. It's just pieces of conversations."

"That's a start. Maybe we can help you place them," Derek said, eyes soft as he smiled at Julian.

"I… there was… I don't know if that is real."

"Just spit it out," Logan said, fingers twitching against Julian's.

Julian looked away from the blond and at Derek. "You were arguing with me. Asking, well pleading with me to…" he paused, eyes dropping to his hands that were still intertwined with Logan's. "To fix my mess with Logan. But it doesn't really make sense to me, so maybe I'm just making it up."

Derek smirked, "No, no, that's real. That happened."

"But what mess? What was it all about?"

Logan looked at Derek and Julian felt like they were having a silent conversation. They were shutting him out again, keeping things from him. Anger bubbled up inside of him, pumping adrenaline through his body.

"Don't do that!" He yelled suddenly, annoyance breaking out of him. Both boys jumped a bit in their seats, shocked by Julian's outburst.

Derek was the first to regain his ability to speak.

"Do what?"

"Oh don't act all innocent. I might not remember everything but I'm not stupid. You're keeping stuff from me and always checking with each other what to say."

"Jules," Julian's head snapped around at the sound of Logan's voice close by. The blond had leaned closet to him, thumb rubbing soothing patterns into Julian's hands. "We're just looking out for you."

"Fuck that, just tell me what is going on," Julian started shouting, finally having enough of his friends tip-toeing around the subject. "Tell me what that asshole forced me to tell you. Tell me why I couldn't bear the thought of you knowing everything. Tell me why I begged you to forget what had been forced out of me. Just fucking tell me." At some point tears had sprung up in Julian's eyes and they were now flowing freely over his cheeks. He pulled one hand away from Logan's to wipe at his eyes furiously. He refused to look at the two boys, sure to find either furious or pitying expressions on their faces. And he wasn't sure which one would be worse and more painful to see.

It was silent in the room, the two other boys obviously too shocked to respond to Julian's rant. His ragged breath was the only disturbance in the quiet room.

Julian stared out the window, noticing that it had started to get dark already. His sense of time was a little bit off due to just lying around, enduring endless tests, talking, and trying to remember.

He could feel the exhaustion creeping up at him, surrounding him like a blanket, ready to pull him in completely.

Someone cleared their throat and Julian turned back towards his two best friends, finding neither anger nor pity in their eyes. Instead Derek had silently stood up, gathered their empty coffee cups and had a comforting hand on Logan's shoulder. The athlete looked at Julian, eyes soft and full of kindness.

In that moment he realized that whatever he'd do right now they'd write it off as something he did while he couldn't remember anything. But this little thought, this realization hit him like a truck. No matter how frustrated he was right now about everything, it didn't make a difference at all. They just sat there and continued to feed him half-truths, withholding whatever he really needed to know to connect the pieces. How could they do that to their supposed best friend, how could they do that when they, like they said, really cared about him? How could they go on with everything while he was sitting here like the stupid person who couldn't even remember the simplest things about his childhood?

He felt the exhaustion rush out of his body, making place for adrenaline and anger. Anger directed at them for not answering his questions, for treating him like a dumb person, for probably hoping that he'd just forget to ask.

"Get out," he whispered, so low that his words were barely audible. Logan turned his eyes to look up at Derek who had the same confused expression on his face.

"Jules," Derek began softly, but he was harshly interrupted by Julian glaring at him.

"I said, get out, "his voice echoed slightly in the room and another few tears spilled over and rolled down his cheeks. Julian rubbed them away quickly.

"Jules…" Julian's eyes flitted to Logan and he saw hurt and something he couldn't put into words in the blond's eyes. Disappointment, regret, fear, agony. He couldn't say.

"No. Get out. I don't want to hear your stupid excuses anymore." A few more tears made their way over his skin and he cringed, feeling vulnerable and ashamed to be so weak in front of these boys. It didn't matter that they claimed to be his best friends; they felt like strangers in this moment and that made the whole situation even worse. He wiped his hands over his face again, trying to rid it of the new tears.

"Don't you fucking get it? You two are going on about being there for me and helping me and yet you're just making things worse." A broken sob escaped him and his eyes dropped to the blanket, wishing that he could just disappear into thin air. "Just go," his voice broke and he wrapped his arms securely around his chest, trying to keep himself together; to keep himself from falling apart.

"Julian, look…"

"No," Julian shouted, "just no, I can't do this. I don't want to do this right now. I… I… Don't you understand? It hurts too much… I can't…" Julian dropped his head into his hands, sobs now openly wracking through his body. He couldn't deal with this. It was too much, too much that didn't make sense. He was afraid of what he'd learn once the other two agreed to tell him.

"Jules…" came the soft voice of Derek, followed by a hand on his shoulder. His head jerked up and he pushed Derek's hand off of him.

"No. I'm sick of it, I don't want to talk anymore just leave me alone." Julian glared at the two boys, seeing shock and something that was close to pity in their faces. But he didn't care, everything was going wrong, this was not how it was supposed to go. Logan had promised to tell him everything and yet he wasn't really any wiser, only angrier.

He watched as the two boys exchanged looks that were clearly concerned and surprised. But for once it didn't matter because he just wanted them to be gone, to be alone with his thoughts. And even though his own mind wouldn't give him the answers he so desperately needed, it was still better than getting half-truths and edited reality.

Logan and Derek were still looking at each other when they almost simultaneously stood up and turned towards Julian. Concern covering their faces, although Julian was sure that he saw a lot of resentment and hurt flash through Logan's green eyes before the blond could scool his face into a neutral expression.

"Jules," Derek started again, this time Julian only glared at him but didn't interrupt him, "we can't possibly start to understand how overwhelming everything has to be right now but you have to give yourself time. We can't just tell you everything because it's a lot to deal with and…" Derek paused for a moment and Julian saw that the boy was itching to look at Logan, to once again check with him whether whatever he was about to say was alright or not.

"Screw you. Get the fuck out," Julian yelled, hands shaking with anger. "You know what is too overwhelming? The two of you lying or telling me half-truths, fucking pretending like you know what's going on when you just don't. I just want to know what happened to me but even my so called friends can't fucking man-up and tell me the truth. So fuck off, I don't want to see you anymore."

A quiet gasp escaped Logan and it took all of Julian's strength to not pull the other boy close and hug him because in that second he looked so broken.

"Jules, you don't…" Logan started, voice once more too condescending.

"I do. Just get the fuck out. I can't do this. Not now and probably not for a long time. Maybe you two should grow a fucking backbone and just tell me the truth but until then, I don't want to see you. Now leave or I'll call security." With a last glare at the two shocked boys, he lay back down and turned his head towards the window, effectively ignoring them.

Listening to the sounds of the room, Julian repeated the plea in his head. He wanted them to leave, he couldn't deal with this confusion anymore and they weren't helping him at all. He was sick of them treating him like a stupid boy who wouldn't be able to cope with whatever horror story they were about to tell him. It sucked. Not only did he lose his memory but he didn't even have anyone who was actively helping him piece the confusing bits back together again.

His eyes closed of their own accord as he heard the heavy hospital door open and close seconds later. They were gone. He let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding and his body slowly relaxed against the pillows. Slowly opening his eyes, he let out a groan of frustration. Had he just scared off the only two people who could tell him what had happened? Did he make a mistake? Should he have sat idly by and listened to them edit the truth and tell him whatever they seemed fit enough?

No, he had to take everything into his own hands. Depending on someone else to tell him the truth was just too hard. Especially when those people, people who claimed to be his friends, are weaving a whole net of lies, interspersed with bits of the truth around him. Hoping he won't ask for more details, hoping that he won't ask difficult questions, hoping that whatever they told him was good enough to satisfy him.

Banging his hand on the mattress he groaned, he hated being in the hands of others like that. Who could he trust in a time like this? He'd thought that his "friends" were a good place to start but apparently they weren't. God, he hated it. Before he knew it his hand had lashed out, wiping the glass on his nightstand off, wincing as it hit the floor, splintering into a million pieces, water spreading over the linoleum floor. Leaning over the edge of his bed to look at it, he couldn't help himself as a low chuckle escaped him; A broken glass, just as broken as his mind.

Eyes trained on the mess, his laugh suddenly stopped. What if his comparison wasn't that far off? What if his mind really was just as broken as that glass? With no way of fixing it, broken into a million little pieces, too many to even try to fix it. What if he was doomed for a life of this? Always trying to remember, always trying to put the pieces back together? With no way of knowing exactly whether his memories were real or not or what he'd lost.

Julian's thoughts continued to race, creeping into every part of his brain, until he finally fell into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_Smoke was blinding him, wrapping tightly around him until he could feel it in every pore of his body. His eyes were stinging and he blinked, trying to get some of his vision back but it had the opposite effect. His vision became even blurrier as his eyes watered, tears sliding over his cheeks. He tried to take a deep breath but could almost instantly feel his lungs protesting, cramping as he doubled over. Bracing his hands on his knees he started coughing, gasping in between which only brought on another wave of coughing. Slowly he straightened back up, looking around. He was sure that someone was moving in the smoke in front of him._

_He opened his mouth to scream for help but nothing came out, his mouth felt dry and he could taste ash on his tongue. His knees gave out and he fell onto the hardwood floor. Trying to cushion his fall with his hands, he winced in pain as his hands connected with tiny bits of rumble from a cracked ceiling, stones digging deep into his hands. _

_His hands balled into fists on the ground, forcing the stones deeper into his skin. With a jolt he sat back onto his heels. Opening his hands, he tried to brush as many of them off as he could before another coughing fit grabbed hold of him, shaking his whole body as his lungs fought for oxygen. The attack forcing him to lean forward onto his sore hands once again. _

_He shuddered as his hands connected with a different material, something cold and velvety. His eyes shot open at once and slowly looked down. Even through the haze of the smoke and in the dim, orange fiery light the contrast between his skin and what lay scattered around his hands was eerie. He slowly brought his hand closer to his face, making sure that it was indeed real. On the palm of his hand rested a few dark red rose petals._

_The sight was terrifying and his breathing sped up once again, forcing more smoke into his lungs. Out of the corner of his left eye he saw some movement, a flicker of blond hair, too familiar even in the haze of his dream. _

_He opened his mouth to yell for the other person but once again his voice didn't cooperate. His head whipped back up to the ceiling but it was already too late as the ceiling cracked and came down, burying him underneath. _

_Darkness wrapped tightly around him and the feeling of being buried alive shoved him out of his dream. _

A scream escaped Julian as he sat up abruptly and started coughing. He could almost taste the ash in his mouth as he reached out for the bottle of water on his nightstand and emptied it in one go. His eyes pricked, the feelings and heat of the dream wrapping around him, tugging on his lungs. His body shook under the thick hospital blanket and he threw it off. He could almost feel hot flames licking at his skin, burning away the fine hairs on his arms, making their way closer to his skin.

Gasping for air, Julian leaned over towards his nightstand, hands fumbling in their search for his cell phone. The cold plastic and the familiar weight of it grounded him but his lungs were still protesting under the harsh, gasping breaths he took.

With shaking fingers he unlocked the touchscreen and selected the one number he needed right now. It took him three tries before his finger pressed the call button.

He could hear the tone on the line, three times, four times, five, six.

"Jules? Are you alright?"

For a few moments Julian was silent, calmness rushing through him as he heard Logan's voice.

"Lo…" his voice broke and he cleared his throat before trying again, "Logan, I need…" he paused again. Unsure of what exactly he needed. Why had he called Logan on instinct? Did he just need someone to talk to? Or something else entirely?

The images of the dream came back to him, creeping into his head and Julian started shaking. What would it take to stop it?

"I…" his voice was still quivering.

"Jules, you're scaring me," Logan's voice sounded concerned, laced with a panicky undertone. "Just tell me what happened. Tell me what you need me to do," Logan's voice was barely a whisper, pleading for him to speak up.

"I need… I can't do this alone. I can't stop shaking. I…" his voice finally gave in and a loud sob escaped his mouth.

"I'm leaving my room right now. Jules, stay on the phone with me, I'm here. You're not alone. Listen to my voice. "

Sobs were still wracking through his body and tears started streaming down his face. He wrapped the arm that wasn't holding the phone up to his ear, around himself, keeping himself together.

"Jules, listen to my voice. I'm getting into my car right now. It won't take long. I'll hurry, I promise. I won't leave you alone. I'm right here."

Julian rocked a little bit on the spot, tugging the blanket back over himself, wrapping it tightly around his shoulders; he was suddenly shivering after the heat of the dream. In the background he heard Logan starting his car and pulling out of the parking spot.

"Please say something or just let me know that you're still there."

Julian let out another loud sob.

"Not what I meant but I'll take it."

For a few moments the only noise he heard was Logan's car speeding up, wheels screeching as he drove around a corner probably way too fast. Underneath the sound of the engine, almost inaudible through the phone, he could make out Logan's harsh breathing. He must've run down to the parking lot as fast as possible in order to get to Julian as quickly as he could.

Julian stopped shivering for a few seconds, bathing in the knowledge that Logan was coming to him, on his way to comfort him, just because Julian had called. There hadn't been a moments of hesitation in Logan before he had told Julian that he was on his way. Julian didn't even ask him to come but whatever he had said had been enough to put Logan into motion. A warm feeling spread through Julian at that. Their friendship had to be really special, for Logan to get up in the middle of the night and drive to the hospital.

"Jules? Please, I need to know that you're still there, say something, anything really."

Julian cleared his throat but stopped before he could say anything. What was he supposed to do? Tell Logan every two seconds that he was there? He couldn't say anything in that moment; shivers still wracking through his body, shaking him almost violently. What could he possibly say right now?

Before he knew it, his mouth opened: "Sing for me," was everything he could utter, instantly wondering why his mind thought that was a good thing to say.

"What?" Came Logan's confused voice through the phone.

"Sing for me," Julian repeated, voice breaking at the end.

"Uhm…" Logan muttered before silence fell between them once more.

Julian felt like hitting himself over the head. What had he been thinking, asking for something like that? "Sorry, no forget I-I said anything."

"No, I…" Logan said before taking a deep breath.

Julian was about to say something else when Logan started singing.

_The time is right; I'm gonna pack my bags_

_And take that journey down the road…_

_Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shining_

_And I want to live inside the glow_

Logan's voice washed over him and he let the words wrap around him, creeping into every pore of his body, warming him from the inside.

_I wanna go to a place where I am nothing and everything…_

_That exists between here and nowhere…_

_I wanna go to a place where time has no consequences oh yeah_

_The sky opens to my prayers…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

Slowly, note by note, Julian felt his body relax against the pillows. His breathing evened out and the sobs that had been shaking his body slowly subsided.

_Please understand that it's not that I don't care_

_But right now these walls are closing in on me…_

_I love you more than I love life itself…_

_But I need to find a place where I can breathe_

_I can breathe…_

_I wanna go to a place where I can hold the intangible_

_And let go of the pain with all my might…_

_I wanna go to a place where I'm suspended on ecstasy_

_Somewhere between dark and light_

_Where wrong becomes right…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

_I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…_

The last note of the song ran out softly and Julian blinked away tears that he hadn't even realized had sprung up in his eyes.

On the other end of the line, Logan cleared his throat. "Jules?"

"Ye-yes, I… th-thank you. That was wonderful." He heard the engine of the car roar once more before it got quiet on Logan's side.

"Okay, I'm here," a door shut with a loud thump. "I'm walking in right now; I'll be up in a second. Are you still there, Jules?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Good, I… hold on," there was ruffling on the other end of the line and he heard Logan's voice muffled through the phone obviously speaking to someone else. "No, sir. I'm going to see Julian Larson." Unfortunately Julian couldn't understand whatever the other voice said. "I know that visiting hours are over." Another pause before Logan raised his voice. "Do you have any idea who he is?...Yes? Oh, okay. Well, I'm John Logan Wright III and my father is Senator Wright, do you have any idea what he'll do to you if I tell him that you kept me from seeing my best friend?... Thank you."

After a bit more ruffling at the speaker of the phone, Logan's voice sounded clearer through the phone. "Sorry, the people are incredibly stupid and hindering in this place. Don't worry; I'll be up in a minute."

Julian chuckled at Logan's rant about the people in the hospital, surprising even himself.

"Stupid slow elevator, screw this I'm taking the stairs," Logan muttered into the phone.

Julian caught himself smiling; feeling like this was the Logan he knew. Something was so familiar about Logan complaining about people and about everything that doesn't go his way.

"You realize that I'm still on the sixth floor right?"

"Shit forgot about that. Well, okay then it might take me two minutes."

Another low chuckle escaped Julian. This felt normal; it calmed him down further, just like Logan's song had.

"Ugh, why couldn't you just get a room on the first floor?"

"Sorry, all the nice rooms were already booked. It's not like I had any say in this. You know I was kind of out cold when I got here."

"Jules… sorry, I…"

"God Logan you're kind of thick sometimes. I was joking."

Logan took a loud, harsh breath before answering "Oh shut up."

"Wow, are you going to make it or should I send a nurse to get you?"

Julian looked up, startled as the door opened suddenly. Logan walked inside, ending the call before closing the door quietly behind him and turned towards Julian with a comforting smile on his face. He was wearing a simple black shirt under a jacket and a pair of sweats. Logan looked positively rumpled and a surge of regret cursed through Julian. He had called him in the middle of the night and all but forced the other boy out of bed.

"Shouldn't you be a bit more grateful? After all, I just raced here in the middle of the night."

Feeling exposed and chided Julian dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap that were holding on to his phone for dear life.

He jumped a little bit when the bed dipped under Logan's weight as the blond settled onto the edge of the bed, facing Julian. The blond held his hand out to Julian and the brunet let go of his phone and without hesitation placed one hand in Logan's. His hand felt warm, almost hot in his hand, warmth spreading slowly through Julian and calming him down even further.

Still, he kept his gaze locked onto the phone in his lap, suddenly so very unsure of everything.

"Jules?" Logan asked softly, voice almost a whisper, like he was afraid to startle Julian. "Can you look at me?"

Taking a deep breath, Julian finally looked up at Logan. The blond had a soft smile on his lips but it couldn't quite cover the concern that was evident in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Julian whispered, eyes watering. He tried to blink them away, unwilling to show weakness in front of Logan yet again.

"For what?"

Julian shrugged, "Calling you in the middle of the night, making you drive here and…"

"You're such an idiot sometimes. When one of my best friends calls me in the middle of the night and scares me half to death by sounding all shaken up, I'll always try to get to him and help. I told you to call me when you need me."

"I…I just…" Julian's voice broke. Now that Logan was there the full impact of his dream came back and he couldn't supress a loud sob escaping him. Almost instantly Logan got up, not letting go of Julian's hand, to sit next to Julian, shoulders and hips touching.

There was definitely some tension in the air between them and the small hospital bed didn't help the situation at all. Julian scooted over a bit towards the other side of the bed, trying to make a bit more room for Logan.

The blond took the opportunity to scoot in even closer, their whole sides pressed together tightly now, and Logan let go of Julian's hand, to wrap his right arm tightly around the smaller boy's shoulder. He reached over to take Julian's hands that were currently clasped tightly together, into his left hand; kneading the rapidly paling knuckles to relax their grip on each other.

"Jules, I'm here, it's okay."

"No, no it's not…it's… everything is… such a mess… I can't…" Julian trailed off; voice sounding rough with unshed tears and sobs still wracking his body.

Logan let go of Julian for a moment, shedding his jacket before pulling the thick hospital blanket tightly around them both before wrapping his arm back around his friend.

"Jules, please talk to me. Tell me what happened."

Taking a deep breath, Julian finally mustered up the courage to look at Logan; finding confusion and fright in his eyes. "I… I had another nightmare. There was smoke, so much smoke. And it was hot, I could… I could almost feel it on my skin, like it was burn-burning me all over again. I-I was alone. I couldn't see or breathe and… and then…" Julian paused, gasping for air. He could feel his lungs protesting at the sudden, harsh intake of air, coupled with the shivers running through his body.

Logan didn't say anything and simply turned his body towards Julian, even further, one arm still slung over his shoulder while his left hand let go of Julian's only to rub comfortingly up and down over his right arm.

"It's okay, you're not there anymore. You got out."

Silence settled heavily between them for a moment, only interrupted by the sobs escaping Julian.

"I…I know it's just…oh god, it felt so real. I… I was alone. Well…not really, I-I think you were there. I don't know though. I couldn't…couldn't see through the smoke."

"Jules, it's okay. I know it's scary and I wish I could tell you that it was nothing but a dream but…"

Julian looked at Logan before his eyes widened in understanding. "But it wasn't a dream right? Is that what happened to me? To us?"

"Yes, it was. The Art Hall was burning and we were trapped inside; the two of us and a few more students. We were on the third floor and got trapped up there. It was hot and there was so much smoke…" Logan trailed off and for the first time Julian could see in Logan's eyes that everything that had happened to them had left his mark on him as well. He might seem all collected and calm but deep down Julian was sure that he could see fear and a lot of confusion.

Slowly Julian unfurled his free arm from around himself. Now that Logan had his arm wrapped tightly around him and held on to his hand, he wasn't on the verge of falling apart anymore. Hesitantly he lifted his left hand up and placed it softly on Logan's arm. He could see in Logan's face that the other boy had his own demons to fight. Even though he appeared to be calm about what had happened to them, it was so obvious to Julian that Logan hadn't had a minute to come to terms with everything.

Julian cringed; he had been so focused on himself, yelling at Logan and Derek for lying to him, when Logan was hurting just as much.

"Logan, I'm sorry," he said softly, rubbing his hand softly over the blond's forearm.

"What for?" Logan's voice, although he obviously tried to sound as normal as possible, was so full with emotion that he tried to hold back.

"You were in there as well and I… I didn't even ask whether you're alright and how badly you got hurt. Although, I hope that the burned off side of your hair isn't the latest trend."

A faint smile tugged at Logan's lips and he squeezed Julian's arm.

"I'm okay, Jules. We're all shaken up but now that you're at least conscious again, it's starting to look a lot better. So, no need to apologize for anything." The smile on Logan's face widened, "How did it go from me racing through the night to comfort you to you comforting me, huh?"

Julian shrugged, "I was feeling so helpless when I woke up after the nightmare and comforting you, it made me feel like I was in control of something. I'm just tired of feeling helpless, of having to rely on people to tell me who I am, what happened and every little detail of my past."

Logan turned his body towards Julian. "It's okay to feel that way Jules. I get it but you… please stop pushing me…us away. We want to help. We want to be here for you and I'll keep saying that until you get that through your thick head."

"I get it. It's just…"

"What is it?"

"I can't piece the memories together, I just can't make sense of everything."

"Then ask me."

Julian scoffed, "Yeah sure, because that worked so well before. You only tell me that I have to figure it out myself and that you can't tell me or that you can't tell me right now."

"Jules, I'm sorry if it comes off that way. It's just complicated and I'm doing my best to make as much sense of the situation as possible."

"You've got to be kidding me. Nothing makes sense, not even remotely."

"Then ask me and I promise to tell you as much as possible."

Julian laughed drily, "And there you've got your little loophole again where you'll just go ahead and say that it's complicated and that you can't tell me."

Logan let go of Julian's hand for a moment and cupped his cheek, softly stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. "I know you don't understand right now and I can understand that it's frustrating but there are certain things I'm not willing to sacrifice. Some things are… too important to be tempered with."

Julian turned his head further towards Logan, brown eyes meeting green ones, and leaned into the soft touch of Logan's hand. The comfortable silence in the room wrapped around the two boys, huddled close together under the same blanket. Shifting just the slightest bit, Julian suddenly became aware of Logan's whole body pressed against his. The hot feeling of Logan's arm wrapped around him and the careful hand on his cheek sent tingles through his whole body, sparks spreading out from where his body was touching Logan's. Never breaking eye contact with Logan, Julian slowly reached his right hand up and splayed it against Logan's chest.

Logan's breath hitched slightly and Julian felt him relax underneath his touch. He didn't dare speak, in fear of what could happen, in fear of breaking the moment. His mind was finally resting, consumed by the feeling of Logan's hand on him, by the smell of him, by the green of his eyes. Something deep in him started to make itself know, a feeling that this, the two of them sitting close, was right, that this was where he belonged.

Logan looked at him, as if he was searching for something in Julian's eyes. His thumb never stopped its course over his skin, caressing him like he was something precious, like he was afraid to even lose that small skin contact, scared that Julian would push him away again.

For a split second Logan's eyes dropped to Julian's lips, sending a delicious shiver through Julian at the realisation that this closeness affected Logan. That he was, as unbelievable as it might sound, looking at Julian like he wanted to kiss him.

A small sound of realization escaped Julian and his thoughts picked up speed once again. Logan's eyes dropped to his lips again and Julian had a hard time trying to fight a smile. When he had woken up from the coma he'd been confused, scared and wary of Logan and yet here he was, cuddled up to the other boy and definitely enjoying the attention he was paying to him.

Julian's hand slowly travelled from Logan's chest to grip his bicep, needing to hold on to something and to pull the other boy even closer.

"Jules, I…."

Julian raised his hand and laid a finger on Logan's lips, effectively silencing him.

"Shh…don't. I just… I just want to see…" Julian whispered, still afraid to startle Logan, not wanting to break the moment. His hand moved swiftly up Logan's arm, over his shoulder, lingering on his collarbone before coming to rest on Logan's neck, thumb softly scratching over the other one's jaw line. He leaned in closer, eyes dropping to Logan's full lips before moving over every little detail of Logan's face; over the light scruff on his face, his cheekbones, his nose, until they locked with the unbelievably green eyes once more. Logan's body went rigid before he let out a shuddering breath he'd obviously been holding. "I just… I…" Julian breathed against Logan's lips, mere inches apart from the other's face. If he just leaned in a tiny bit…

Before realizing that he had moved that extra inch, he felt Logan's dry lips chastely against his own. Logan's hand tightened on his cheek, holding him in place, not that he would want to pull back, not when it felt so good. As carefully as possible Julian angled his body further towards Logan, moving as close as he could to Logan without breaking the kiss. Logan's arm curled tighter around Julian's shoulder, pulling him in, tipping him almost on top of him. Pulling his legs under himself, Julian tried to follow the movement, breaking the kiss for a second before situating himself more comfortably; resting his thigh on Logan's.

The second kiss was more urgent, both boys still trying to pull the other one closer, needing the contact. Logan angled Julian's head just right to deepen the kiss before swiping his tongue over Julian's bottom lip. With a small gasp Julian opened his mouth and Logan's tongue carefully dipped in, rubbing against his own.

The brunet's free hand moved up to Logan's neck, tickling the soft hair there before tangling into the hair at the back of his head to crush them even closer together. Letting himself melt into the kiss, Julian shut off his brain completely and let himself just enjoy the feeling of Logan's body pressed against his.

Julian pulled back abruptly, almost tumbling off the bed, when he felt one of Logan's hands creep under the hem of his shirt, skin on skin.

Looking alarmed at him, Logan all but jumped up and off the bed, moving at least three steps away from it; His eyes still locked on Julian, who pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them, hiding his face against his knees.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Julian, I never… god I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have… I… I should… I should probably go." Logan stammered, wringing his hands in front of him, eyes wide.

Julian's head shot up to stare at Logan. Did he regret that they had kissed? Did he read the signs wrong? What if…what if Logan wasn't interested in him? What if he wasn't interested in Logan that way? He simply did what he had felt like; being close to Logan had made him forget about his nightmare and kissing him had felt even better. But was this who he was? Was he gay? Had there been something between Logan and him before the fire? Logan had been so tentative during the first kiss, Julian could still almost feel the soft, hesitant press of Logan's lips still tingling against his own.

"You… no, I mean… I don't" the thoughts in his head were too scrambled up to make sense of them. His mind was racing with question after question, unable to make sense of the situation. The one thing he was pretty sure of was that he wanted Logan to get back onto the bed with him and wrap his arms around him, hold him together. But the look in Logan's eyes, confusion, nervousness and something like sheer awe, shut him up. He didn't want to push Logan or use him, just because he wasn't feeling good, just because he needed someone to hold the pieces together.

Heavy, uncomfortable silence fell over them, neither knowing what to say, how to handle this situation. Hesitantly, Julian looked at Logan, who was watching him intently. He saw the slight shifting in Logan's stance, clearly as uncomfortable with the situation as Julian. But he hadn't run yet, no matter how weird the tension in the air was, Logan was still standing in his room, looking at him in wonder. And even though Julian had no memories of the boy in front of him, he felt like this single fact was important; the simple fact that Logan was still here and hadn't left, willing to work through this, willing to…to stay with Julian even after Julian had broken down and initiated the kiss.

Minutes ticked by or it could have been hours, Julian had lost all sense of time. His eyes still locked with Logan, whose breathing had slowed but whose eyes where still so wide, so full of… not regret but something else that came close to it.

"I should… I should…." Logan stuttered before taking his jacket from the chair where he'd dropped it earlier, ready to bail.

"Don't," Julian whispered before he could stop himself. Everything was so confusing in that moment, nothing made sense but he knew how he felt.

"Jules, I…"

"No, please, don't go. I…" pausing to take a deep breath, Julian tried to think of what exactly he was asking of the other boy. "Please stay, I… I'm sorry if I fucked this up. I just… it felt like the right thing. I'm sorry."

"No, it's…it's okay. I should've stopped it. You don't know what you're doing right now, I shouldn't have invaded your space. Sorry, I…"

"Cut it out, Wright. I might've lost my memories but don't you dare treat me like a fucking kid. I'm not."

"Julian, I only…"

"No, shut up. I know what you were doing. I kissed you and that's it. I'm sorry for freaking out when your hands went on a little trip but I wanted it. I'm not an idiot, I'm sorry for taking advantage of you like that."

"No, Jules. I…"

"God do you ever shut up and let someone else talk? This isn't exactly easy for me so at least let me get through this." Logan laid his jacket over the back of the chair before taking two tentative steps towards the bed and Julian. "See that's a start," Julian said winking at the other boy before his face got serious again. "I swear this wasn't why I called you. I just… god it's so hard to have dreams that don't make sense and I can't figure out anything on my own. I just didn't know who else to call. But I never… I didn't call you because I wanted to kiss you…" he paused again, a shiver running through his body at the memories of the kiss. "Not that I didn't enjoy it and wouldn't say no to a repeat performance but I didn't call you to hook up."

"H-hook u-u-up?" Logan stuttered, eyes wide open and one hand rubbing the back of his neck.

Trying to supress a loud laugh, Julian schooled his face into a huge grin instead. "Wow, so that's what it takes to shut you up. If I had only known that earlier, I'll have to try and think of other things to shut you up for future situations."

"No… I mean. God shut up, Larson."

"And you're back to being rude."

Logan rolled his eyes at the boy in the hospital bed. "God, you might not remember anything but it's nice to know that your diva attitude came with the package."

"Oh, now I have a diva attitude? You're the one who thinks that everything is about him, even though I'm the one stuck in a hospital bed with no memories. Let me guess, only child? I wonder how Michelle can stand you at times and even stick up for you against your father."

Julian smirked for a second before it dropped of his face as he saw Logan simply staring at him, eyes, if that was even possible, wider than before. "Wait, who's Michelle?"

"My stepmother. And yes she sticks up for me, only normal person in that household."

"Well, one has to be sane when dealing with your father and you at the same time."

Logan huffed, glaring at Julian before he rolled his eyes at his friend. "Yeah, probably."

Pulling his knees up to his chest, hugging them close to him, Julian suppressed a chuckle, not wanting to anger or annoy Logan. He was still unsure about their friendship, but it seemed like Logan was used to them snapping at each other but when it came to the more serious talks it became all awkward and complicated between them.

Julian watched the other boy, seeing him shift around, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, clearly nervous and as unsure as Julian. Logan worried his bottom lip between his teeth, looking everywhere in the room but at Julian.

It was weird, one second Logan felt like a complete stranger and the next he wanted Logan to sweep him off his feet and be so much more than just friends. In a way, Logan felt like home, like he belongs there. When Logan had his arm tightly around him, he had felt safe and calm for the first time since he woke up. Logan made him feel like everything would turn out okay, like, even if he wouldn't get his memories back, he'd be alright. Weird as it was, those thoughts made him smile. His eyes flickered over Logan's whole form. What was it about his friend, this boy he couldn't really remember anything about, that made him feel like this, like he belonged?

A shiver ran down his spine, shaking his body slightly, as his mind went back to how it felt in Logan's arms, how his lips had felt against his own. Even after this short taste of something more, he wanted to feel like that again. Feel Logan's arms around him, his lips on his, bodies tangled up in each other, without a single inch between them. There would be no need to talk, no need for explanations or labels for once, just two people, enjoying being together. But why did it feel so familiar? So comfortable, like this was how they were meant to be, maybe how they've been before he lost his memories.

"Logan?" Julian whispered, voice unsure and full of emotions.

The blond looked up at him, eyes softer than before, calmer and with a hint of something else in them. "Yes?"

"I… was there… I mean… are you sure there's never been anything between us?"

Julian had to supress a loud chuckle as Logan's eyes widened comically. Who'd had thought that someone who put up such a good and brave front could look so much like a deer caught in headlights. "W-Why…why would you ask that?"

"I just… I don't know. Just, when we sat together a-and you had your arms around me, it felt… I mean… it felt right, it…" Julian's courage left him and he stopped himself before he could embarrass himself in front of Logan, looking back down at the crisp white hospital blanket. "Sorry, just forget it. I'm really tired, so just forget what I was blubbering about. Not enough sleep and the constant beeping sounds around here would drive every sane person over the edge." Glancing over at the clock on the wall, he found Logan's eyes again. "It's late or probably early whatever way you want to see it, you should…uh…probably go. Don't you have classes in the morning?"

For a few moments Julian thought that Logan wouldn't move at all, before an all too visible shudder ran through the other boy and his head turned over to the clock as well. Rubbing a hand over his face a barely audible groan escaped the blond, before he stepped closer to the bed once again.

"Jules…" he paused, looking as if he was trying very hard to find the right words, "god, all my sentences start with 'Jules' that's a first. And don't gloat, it just… god, I should stop talking." A small smile tugged at Julian's lips, not sure why it was adorable to see the other boy fumbling for words. But before he could throw a reply at Logan, the blond carefully took Julian's face into his hands. "I promise to never ask you anything ever again, when you do this for me. Just please remember. I need you to remember me, to just know. Please…" With that Logan bent forward and pressed a barely there kiss to his forehead before gathering his jacket and leaving.

Julian couldn't have said for how long he had stayed in the same position after Logan had left, something felt off and oh so right at the same time. Has this always been so complicated for them? Or well, between them? He already missed the warmth of Logan's arms, even the way the other boy looked at him whenever he thought Julian wouldn't catch him. There was something so obviously caring and soft in the other one's eyes, at least when they land on Julian. Just how good of friends were they? Did they share everything or did they keep a lot of secrets from each other? His mind flicked back to one of his nightmares. He had obviously bared everything to Logan and had begged him to forget everything he had just told him, so there might be things that Derek and Julian can't tell him, things that he has to figure out for himself.

Lying back, he groaned, feeling defeated because every time he thought that everything might just be alright, he finds something new that'll be incredibly hard to get back. He felt his eyes droop and before he even realized it, he was asleep, bright and happy dreams pushing the gloomy and frightening ones away.

* * *

A/N: The song Logan sings to calm Julian down is "Beautiful" by India Arie, but I guess at least 99% of you knew that ;)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So this is the last part.

There's a little nod to one of my other Jogan stories in here, I wonder if anyone can find it ;)

* * *

A week later found Julian sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a simple white t-shirt, waiting to finally get out of the hospital. The burns on his legs were almost healed and his hands were free of bandages, but the most prominent injury was still there. Apart from a few more random things about his mother or random days on a movie set and the realization that the smell of roses made him cringe and huddle under the blankets, no memories had come back. Logan had visited him almost every day and once or twice he had brought Derek along, probably to ease the tension.

They'd been getting better at talking to each other; there were still times where they yelled at each other and Julian wanted nothing more than to get rid of the blond. There'd been one day where Julian had had enough and had thrown Logan out of his room. But, since the other boy had come with Derek and Julian refused to let Derek go, Logan had been forced to sit outside Julian's room on a chair like a little kid waiting for his mother to pick him up. Twenty minutes later Logan had come back into the room and simply sat down in the chair in the corner, refusing to look at either of them. Derek and Julian had shared conspiratory glances for the next hour. And when Derek finally left, he had slipped Julian the ten bucks he'd lost in their bet over whether Logan would get fed up and just force himself back into the conversation or not. Derek had been sure that Logan would burst back into the room not even five minutes later and just start talking to them again because that would've been the Logan pre-Art Hall. But since Julian could only go on what he had seen from Logan so far, he easily won the bet since this Logan was still treating Julian like he could break any minute.

"Ready to go, princess?"

"God, would you stop with the princess already?"

"Nope," Logan said with a huge smile on his face.

"What's got you so happy? Did someone hit your father in the face or run over a dandelion?"

"Funny, Larson," Logan deadpanned, glaring at Julian. "You're coming home today."

"I know," Julian answered flatly.

"Wow, you seem really happy about getting out of here. You know, I think I could arrange for them to send the disgusting stuff they call food over to Dalton. Or is it the nurses you're going to miss?"

"Shut up, Wright."

"You've got to be the first person in history to not be thrilled to get out of a hospital."

"Screw you."

"And with the insults again, I thought we'd put that behind us."

"Never," Julian shot back, a smirk tugging up the corner of his lips.

"Good, I almost thought that I'd lost you in that gigantic head of yours."

"And with the insults again," Julian said sweetly, repeating Logan's exact words, "be useful and help me up."

"Of course your highness, do you wish to be carried, your highness?" Logan joked, bowing down in front of Julian.

"You suck."

"Well, that's not untrue."

"God Logan, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Where to start?" the blond replied, rolling his eyes.

Not even gracing that with an answer, Julian slowly, still careful of the burns on his legs, pushed himself up from the bed and into a standing position. He had been walking a little bit over the past few days but his legs were still shaking slightly and the tightness of his skin still ached whenever he moved. This time it hurt even more because instead of soft pyjama pants he was wearing a pair of jeans, having refused to go out in sweatpants when he had been told that a lot of paparazzi were camped out in front of the hospital. It was bad enough that they'd found out about what had happened at all and that their articles had mobilized a massive amount of his fans who had not only written angry letters to the headmaster of Dalton but had decided to camp out in front of the gates of Dalton until Julian returned, as they said they simply wanted to ensure a safe return of their favourite celebrity. And even though Julian's manager had given a public statement that Julian wouldn't return to Dalton straight away, a lot of his fans had decided to stay in place no matter what.

"Tell me again, why I'm not going to Dalton."

Logan, who had busied himself with picking up the bag filled with Julian's possessions and his meds, turned towards him again, dropping the bag in an instant and got to him just in time to catch Julian, who had taken a few steps only for his legs to give out.

"Easy there, Jules."

"Yeah, yeah, pathetic I know. I can't even take a few steps by myself. I'm such a baby, a spoiled brat who expects to be either carried or wheeled everywhere," Julian spit out, voice full of anger, as Logan helped him back towards the bed, only letting go of him when he was sure that Julian was sitting safely on the edge of the bed. The brunet immediately dropped his head, staring at his fingers in his lap, frustrated with his situation.

"Nope, you're just a prima donna who had severe burns on his legs and is too proud to accept help."

Julian huffed, irritated that Logan knew him so well, while he still didn't know a lot about Logan or even about himself.

"Stop babying me. I'm a grown up and not some toddler who doesn't know anything. Although you know, if that's a kink for you, I'd say we wait until we get to your bedroom." Looking back up at Logan, he smiled, as he saw the deep red blush spreading over Logan's cheeks.

Over the past few days, with nothing much to do other than lying in his bed, hoping that someone would visit him, he'd started making provocative and blunt comments whenever Logan was around, enjoying the fact that he could make the other one squirm in his seat. The first time Derek had been around when Julian had, after having been given cherry lollipops by a nurse who knew about his obsession with them, said something along the lines of "Well, not the worst thing to be sucking on, but not the best either," and added a wink in Logan's direction, the athlete had broken down in a fit of laughter before staring at Logan for a long time. That was when Julian had learned that it was normal for Logan and him to throw insults and jokes around, annoying Derek with their banter. But as far as Derek had told him, this brazen, new found love for dirty, sex jokes was completely new.

Now that Julian came to think of that day, he remembered that the other two boys had shared a cautious glance. It had been just another time when they'd had one of their silent conversations, agreeing to something without having to say it out loud, because it was apparently too dangerous for Julian to hear or to finally be able to put the pieces of his own life back together.

"I love how easy it's become to shut you up."

Instead of a witty reply, Logan simply stuck his tongue out at Julian.

"Oh very mature," Julian said, rolling his eyes, even while his lips spread into a smile.

He'd been comfortable around Logan from the start, well once he'd been told that they were friends, but during the past week, after the night when he had called Logan and after having shared that kiss, something between them had shifted. Something that Julian felt running through his whole body, like a current, like a pull that tethered him to Logan, pushing him into that direction. Most of the times when it had been just the two of them, one of them had always initiated skin contact. Logan was more hesitant to touch Julian, obviously afraid to hurt him or to do something wrong and scare Julian away.

For Julian, touching Logan, even in the most innocent way like a hand on his shoulder, was a calming action. It felt good and it felt right to have the blond close by, to curl his hand around the other one's shoulders when he had insisted on walking around for a bit. It gave him a sense of safety when Logan had half-carried him back to his room, when they'd walked for too long, lost in conversation, and Julian had stumbled into Logan over and over again. Logan had squatted down in front of Julian, trying to coax him into jumping on his back. But he wouldn't have any of it, how embarrassing would it have been if he'd gotten aroused by being so close to Logan, and for the other boy to feel the tell-tale sign against his back. So no, instead they'd moved forward at a snail pace, soon lost in conversation again.

"Okay, can we go, before your head explodes or you give yourself an aneurysm with all that blood going into your head?"

"Oh look at you, thinking you're funny."

Julian simply smiled up at Logan, starting to push himself off the bed once again. "Okay, seriously I want to get out of here, even though you still haven't told me where we're going."

"Calm down, it's not like I'm kidnapping you. It's one of the houses my father bought when I first went to Dalton, at the time he thought that they might want to stay close by," Logan huffed, "yeah, I could've predicted that they wouldn't from the start. So that's where you're going, resting for the next two weeks just like the doctor told you to."

"I'm going to be bored out of my mind, just like I was here."

Logan rolled his eyes at him, before hoisting Julian's bag over his shoulder and wrapping an arm around Julian's waist.

"Come on drama queen. We're getting out of here."

"But what about the paparazzi?"

"Remember how I told you that my father has a bit of leverage over the people in this hospital? Well, he convinced them to let us go down to the underground parking garage that's normally reserved for staff. Anyway, that's where my car is right now, so we can get out without anyone seeing us."

"Oh, so sometimes you really are useful."

"Shut up and start walking."

"Ey, I'm injured, show a bit compassion."

"And I've half a mind to just walk away and leave you to the paparazzi."

Julian turned his head towards Logan, pouting at his friend.

"Nope that face isn't working on me, Julian. No way."

"Pretty, pretty please, don't leave me here. You couldn't bring yourself to do that, leave an injured man alone, to fend for himself, with no one to care for him and most importantly with no memories."

A large smile spread over Logan's face at that and Julian knew that he'd won. Not that he'd ever believed that Logan would leave him here but knowing that the other one wasn't tired of putting up with him, sent a nice tingle through his body.

"It's such a fucking relief that even though you don't remember anything you still know how to act."

"It's a natural talent, honey," Julian shot back, giving Logan a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Come on big shot, Derek is waiting at the house."

Slowly but surely they made their way out of the hospital room and down the long hallway to the elevators. Julian stayed quiet, simply enjoying the close contact with Logan, and how he could feel the warmth through both their shirts on his own skin.

Neither of them said a word until they were in the car and Logan pulled out of the car park. "So, will I be by myself in that house?"

"Do you really think I would leave you alone?"

"Aw, you're too sweet. Do you still hold up your story that there's nothing between us?"

"Larson," Logan all but hissed, his voice warning. "You know what I told you before. I'm sticking to that."

"Yeah, I know. I have to remember everything that concerns you and me myself. Blah, blah, blah," Julian huffed, turning his body towards the window, hoping that something might seem familiar. But no matter how hard he focused on certain landmarks or houses, nothing triggered a memory.

It didn't take them long until Logan pulled up to a huge gate, which he unlocked with a code, before the gate swung open and Logan drove onto the property. He stopped the car right in front of the front door and turned off the engine.

Julian simply looked at the house, it was a really nice house, modern and yet it seemed like a home.

"Michelle picked it out. She was the one who thought they could stay close by, obviously. And she's got better taste than my father anyway," Logan explained while he got out of the car and got Julian's bag out of the trunk.

Just as he had helped Julian into the car at the hospital, he now opened the passenger door and held his hand out to him. Without hesitation Julian grasped it and got out of the car, with Logan wrapping one arm tightly around his waist to steady him. Once more, he couldn't help but sigh as a feeling of safety pulsed through him. He took a deep breath as a surge of pain shot through his leg, groaning he grabbed Logan's arm, who stopped immediately, eyes wide in concern.

"You alright? Did I hurt you?"

Julian smiled as he heard the concern and care in Logan's voice. "No, it's just… Sitting still for some time makes it more difficult to move; but it'll go away in a moment."

"Okay, if you say so," Logan whispered back, voice still a bit unsure.

When they came to the four steps of the front porch, Logan all but carried Julian up the stairs, pulling him even tighter against his side.

Julian blushed, feeling Logan's breath against the side of his neck. "Thanks."

Smiling at him, Logan took the last few steps, dropped the bag to unlock the front door and pushed it open. "D, we're here," Logan shouted, voice rough, while he picked up Julian's bag and walked them both into the house.

A few seconds later Derek appeared in the foyer, a smile on his face, and walked over to wrap Julian in a big hug.

"It's so good to have you back with us, well out of the hospital. I was ready to change my name and go into hiding because that one over there was going crazy whenever he wasn't at the hospital."

"Shut up Derek."

"What? It's true."

"Like you didn't worry."

"Course I did, but I wasn't wearing holes into the carpet, while talking to myself for hours."

"Derek, stop it."

"Nope, you want me to tell him how you've been rewatching Something Damaged?"

"Fuck you," Logan yelled, dropping Julian's bag, but making sure that Derek still held on to Julian before he stalked away.

Julian chuckled, enjoying the banter between the two boys as Derek helped him into the living room and helped him settle down on the couch.

"Is he always like that?"

Derek took him in for a moment, probably trying to gauge how much he could tell Julian. "Not really, no. But…"

"But what?"

"Well, he changed after what happened in the Art Hall. Of course he did. It changed us all. But for Logan it was…uhm… more difficult to come to terms with what happened."

"But why?"

"Did he tell you that he stayed by your side the whole time you were in the coma? He hardly gave the doctor time to check him over before he was roaming the halls, searching for your room. And then the doctors tried to throw him out but he threw a fit, called his father and made them let him stay."

Derek paused, looking at Julian expectantly, who simply shook his head.

"But why would he do all that? Go through all that, hell, even deal with his father for me? He never does something like that for me. I mean, of course when Blaine's brother was missing, he didn't hesitate for a second to call in help."

Silence fell between them, Derek staring at Julian with wide eyes for a few seconds before Julian's eyes widened as well.

"Who's Blaine?"

"A guy from school, well he's not exactly a friend but our paths have crossed quite a lot. He's uhm…"

"Spit it out, Derek," Julian said in a raised voice. He could already feel that Derek was starting to censor himself and one of his friends not telling him everything was more than enough.

"Uhm… he's, he has a history with Logan. He's his ex," Derek finally said, eyes focused on Julian, obviously watching his face closely for a reaction.

But Julian wouldn't give him anything. He kept a straight face, showing no sign of emotion, even though he could feel the blood rushing hotly through his body, sending anger pulsing through every pore.

"I see… so that explains why Logan would do anything to help him." No matter how hard he tried to calm himself down, he could clearly feel the jealousy coursing through him and he couldn't stop the sneer from breaking free.

For a moment Derek simply stared at him in disbelief, before a huge smile spread over his face.

"Are you jealous?" he asked, amusement all too clear in his voice.

Julian snorted, mind racing to find a way to get out of this situation.

"Oh god, no. Of course not. No. I couldn't care less to be honest. That guy is way too on edge so maybe Blaine can help him calm down." Julian looked at the other one in surprise as Derek suddenly burst out into laughter. He held his arms tightly around his stomach, shaking violently with laughter. It took him several minutes to calm down enough to look back up at Julian, who was scowling at him.

"Are you quite done?"

"No, I don't think I am. But that explanation of how you clearly aren't jealous at all, was even worse than some of the lies I tell the girls I sleep with. It's okay, you know? I mean there's really no reason to be, especially since little Blaine is all too happy to be with the only other diva at Dalton."

"Oh shut up," Julian scoffed, while scooting to the edge of the couch before trying to push himself up into a standing position. Pain shot through his legs; the soft, new skin rubbing against the rough material of his jeans. An instant later Derek was by his side, grabbing his elbow and all but yanking him up.

"What is it?"

"I'm tired of you laughing at me and I need to get out of these jeans."

"You know, Logan would probably be real helpful with that."

Julian groaned, "Stop it."

"Never."

"And here I thought you were the mature one, but it turns out, you're just as frustrating as he is, just in a different way."

"Sorry, Jules. I didn't mean to. It just…it's weird that you can't see it. You never have to lie to me, we're friends."

Julian studied Derek's face for a second, trying to figure out whether the other boy was serious. When he saw nothing but earnest in Derek's eyes, he let out a deep sigh.

"I know. I… ugh, this is so hard. And he won't even talk to me about whatever happened and I get all these bits and pieces in my dreams, but they don't make sense and he won't tell me."

Derek took a step back to look into Julian's eyes, but stayed close enough so he could still hold on to Julian, to steady him.

"I know. But try to understand him as well. It'll all make sense in the end, I promise. He might seem like a complete lunatic most of the time, but there's a soft side too and he's not as composed as he seems to be."

Julian pondered over his friend's words for a few minutes, eyes flicking around the room, while his mind was racing. He'd seen the softer side to Logan, mostly when the two of them had been alone at the hospital and he'd also seen the lunatic in Logan, on more than one occasion. Derek's words shouldn't surprise him at all, they should only confirm what he'd already gathered himself. But something in the way the other boy had tried to ensure him that it would be worth it to stick around, made it sound once more, like there was just so much more that he didn't know and might never remember.

"Yeah… you're probably right. Sorry, I just… he frustrates me."

Derek chuckled, "Oh trust me, I know. Try being the only target for his frustration while he's at school and not by your side."

Julian could feel the unwanted blush rising up in his cheeks, afraid to ask the questions that were running through his mind. "Is he…," he paused, not sure how to phrase it without sounding like he, well, like he had a crush on Logan, which he didn't, of course he didn't have a crush on his friend. No. Taking a deep breath he started again, "Was he really so awful? I mean, he wasn't exactly all sunshine and puppies at the hospital either but… but I don't… I don't understand why it was so hard for him whenever he wasn't at the hospital if we're… you know… just friends."

"No, no, no. Jules, I know what you're doing here. I won't be the one to tell you these things. You think I want him to focus his entire wrath on me? Nu-uh. Not gonna happen," Derek's voice was firm but understanding, his hand, still holding on to Julian's elbow in a comforting way. "I might not agree with his decision to keep everything from you, to let you find out everything by yourself, especially since the doctors kept telling your mother that they've no idea if your memories will even come back at all…"

Julian winced at this, getting his memories back was his main focus. He needed to know what was going on, needed to know what exactly this thing he and Logan kept dancing around was and whether him getting his memories back would change whatever they had right now.

"Jules?"

Julian's head snapped up, from the concerned look on Derek's face he gathered that the other boy had been calling his name a few times.

"Sorry, got lost in thought…"

"See, that's the problem with that big head of yours, inflated by your ego, it's too easy to get lost in there, maybe you should look for a map to crazy town," Logan's voice came from the door, where the blond was casually leaning.

"You know eavesdropping is considered rude, even a brat like you should know that," Julian hissed, partly annoyed by the comment the blond had made and partly afraid that he might have heard what exactly they'd been talking about.

"You know, to be able to eavesdrop there actually has to be a conversation, and sorry princess, but Derek calling your name does not classify as a conversation, no matter how much you love people saying your name."

"Logan," Derek muttered at the same time as Julian hissed "Asshole."

"Ah, how I missed all this love in the room with my two best friends. Just lovely." Logan sneered, a sickenly sweet smile on his face.

Julian wobbly stepped closer to Logan, stopping abruptly as Logan reached out to steady him, which in turn froze Logan in place. For a moment, Julian stared at Logan, leaning slightly around the taller boy, searching his whole body for something.

"What are you looking for?" Logan snapped, as Julian didn't make a further move.

"It's gotta be here somewhere."

"What?"

"Well, the switch."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The switch, well, you have to have one. You know with the constant switching between being a complete asshole and actually being nice." Julian spit out, lips turning up into a lazy smile as he heard Derek trying to suppress a chuckle behind him.

"Funny, princess."

Julian rolled his eyes, "I thought we'd moved past this whole princess business."

Logan's face turned into a sneer, "Never."

Julian felt the all too familiar anger starting to rise in his blood. "You're such an arrogant…"

"Okay and that's enough for today," Derek interrupted him. "Can we just be happy that Julian is with us and not start fighting?"

"Well, he started it," Logan whined, as petulant as a young child.

"No I didn't," Julian shot back, crossing his arms in front of his chest defiantly.

"Both of you, stop it."

"But D-" Logan started just as Julian said "I didn't do anything."

"Shut up," Derek growled, shooting glares at his friends which made both of them close their mouths instantly. "Much better. Would you two at least try to get along?"

"If mister mood change over there had a better grip on himself, I wouldn't even have to throw his stupidity back into his face."

"Oh, look at you blaming everything on someone else. It's not like your stupid switch comment was meant to rile me up."

"Jesus, you need to get laid. We can only hope it'll help with your mood changes."

A loud choking sound came from Derek, but Julian ignored it, as he was watching a million different emotions go over Logan's face. Surprise, shock, and slow bubbling anger.

"Oh screw you, Larson."

Before Derek or Julian could stop him, Logan had turned around and stormed out of the living room, making as much noise on the stairs as humanly possible, leaving the two frozen on the spot.

Julian was the first to find his voice. "Okay, so he can dish it out but he can't take it?"

Derek turned towards him, a serious expression on his face while slightly shaking his head. "Was that really necessary?"

"What? He can call me a princess and blame everything on me but I can't defend myself?"

"God, you're an idiot. It's not about you defending yourself, he can take that, god knows he's used to that. It's what you said."

"What?"

For a moment Derek clearly contemplated what he should say, before he groaned and rolled his eyes. "I can't explain it. Just try to… to stay away from the sex jokes."

"Sorry but what? Is he a monk or something?"

Derek groaned once more, wiping a hand over his face in clear annoyance. "No, just… don't rub him the wrong way, please?"

"Trust me, I won't be rubbing him in any way."

Derek sighed dramatically, "And this is exactly the stuff I meant."

"Whatever. I'm tired and I can't stand any longer. Where am I supposed to stay?"

"Oh, sorry, sure. Logan thought it would be best if you stay in the guestroom down the hall. At least you wouldn't have to go up the stairs. One of us will always be here but in case we're not it's too dangerous to have you walk up and down the stairs."

"I don't need a babysitter. I can take care of myself," as if to prove him wrong, one of Julian's legs started shaking and he stumbled against Derek.

"Oh I can see that," Derek chuckled, holding on to Julian's arm. "Come on, I'll take you to your room."

"Thanks, Derek."

* * *

After Derek had shown him to his room, Julian had succumbed to the drowsiness he felt slowly creeping into every bone in his body. He hadn't been lying when he'd told Derek that his leg was bothering him, well not entirely. In a way it was an easy way out of a more than uncomfortable discussion. He wasn't trying to rile Logan up, well maybe a little bit, but the blond deserved every bit of it. It was so difficult to talk to him sometimes. There had to be a switch that determined Logan's mood of the hour. Maybe he couldn't be nice for a prolonged time, maybe the sweetness of actually being a nice person, was suffocating him and he needed to balance it out by being a complete arsehole. Or maybe… no, that couldn't be it. What if Logan had no clue about how to behave around him? What if Logan felt just as confused as Julian did, whenever the tension between them started rising, pushing both of them closer, which seemed to only ever result in them fighting over the mundane and smallest things?

Julian bit his lip, thinking about Logan and his ever changing behaviour gave him a headache. It was just too much of a whiplash. In a way Logan was like Pandora's Box, you never knew what you'd get out of it. So, would it be better, to just leave the box alone? Not open it? Curiosity killed the cat, wasn't that something people were saying? Was the prospect of actually finding something good, worth risking opening the box? What if whatever came out of it turned vile and screwed everything up even more?

At some point he must have drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Which, considering the past week, was at least something positive. When he woke, the light outside was slowly dimming. Looking at the clock on the wall, he saw that it was just after 10pm, which meant he'd slept for almost eight hours straight. Feeling his stomach protest soundly at not having eaten anything since breakfast, he slowly stretched his legs before getting up. As silently as possible, as not to disturb any one, he crept out of his room and towards the kitchen.

Halfway there he heard the soft sounds of piano music coming from the living room.

Silently he crept closer towards the living room, making sure to stay hidden. Right next to the open doorway he leaned back against the wall, slowing down his breathing to keep silent.

For a while only the soft notes from the piano were disrupting the silence in the house. A beautiful, melodic rhythm filling the emptiness that had settled in the too quiet house. Somewhere during their conversations Logan had mentioned that he played the piano, but Julian hadn't suspected him to be so good.

Just as Julian had mustered up the courage to step into the living room, where something was pulling him towards Logan yet again, a quiet voice floated towards him from the room. In perfect timing and perfect harmony with the piano key's, the beautiful voice enfolded before him and wrapped around him.

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder  
And I wish you could still give me a hard time  
And I wish I could still wish it was over  
But even if wishing is a waste of time  
Even if I never cross your mind

Was this what Logan thought about him? Would everything really be any easier if they'd just stay away from each other? Could anything be better than being friends? Would it be easier to just let each other go before they hurt each other even more?

_I'll leave the door on the latch  
If you ever come back if you ever come back  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back  
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now  
Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back now_

But what was it that always seemed to draw them back together. They seemed unable to live with each other, but without each other didn't work either. Was there always a way back? Could they go back to how they were or was everything lost?

_Now they say I'm wasting my time  
'Cause you're never commin' home  
But they used to say the world was flat but how wrong was that now_

And by leavin' my door open  
I'm risking everythin' I own  
There's nothin' I can lose in a break-in that you haven't taken

Did he think he was wasting his time? Was Logan waiting for him to act on everything? Was the ball in his court? But how could it be on him to decide when he still had a hard time making sense of the little things that had come back so far? Was Logan really open to let him in? Could they still have it all?

_And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder  
And I wish you can still give me a hard time  
And I wish I could still wish it was over  
But even if wishing is a waste of time  
Even if I never cross your mind_

I'll leave the door on the latch  
If you ever come back if you ever come back  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back  
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now  
Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back now

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss  
I know you're out there somewhere so just remember this  
If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss  
Oh just remember this, oh just remember this

This was them, the fighting, everything and so much more. They apparently thrived on fighting, taking everything out on each other, testing each other, that was who they were. And bits and pieces of that had come back while he had talked to Logan. The witty comebacks, the insults but on the other hand the deep understanding of each other; knowing when to push and when to hold back.

_I'll leave the door on the latch  
If you ever come back if you ever come back  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back  
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now  
Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back now_

And it will be just like you were never gone  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
And it will be just like you were never gone  
If you ever come back if you ever come back now

The more Logan's voice found its footing in the song, the more confident his voice carried the notes, the stronger the urge to walk into the living room, to see the way Logan so clearly lost himself in the song.

It was almost hard to believe that the same boy, who had so harshly snapped at him a few hours earlier, was able to elicit this beautiful melody from the piano and even enhance it with his beautiful voice.

Something inside Julian was crawling, like another memory was trying to break free, to claw its way to the surface.

Listening to the words of the song, Julian felt himself gasping for breath. It was as if the song was written for him, like Logan had felt the need to put his thoughts onto paper, find the perfect tune to it, to do something. What had Derek told him? Yes, Logan was someone who was better with songs than with words. Like he had this block in his head that prevented him from forming a normal sentence to say what was going on in his mind. Was this his way of trying to say the things he couldn't say without the music?

This was them, so clearly. It was as if something had opened in Julian's mind, he caught a glimpse of something; a room, maybe a common room in their school. Logan stood opposite him, face red in anger and they were shouting at each other, throwing insults at the other one like they hated each other. Then suddenly, as quickly gone as it was there, Julian saw it, a little wink, then a lip curling up in what could've been a sneer but was so clearly a little smile. This was them; this was what they've so clearly always been. Fighting, screaming and insulting the other, knowing full well that whatever happened it would stay between them, and if it was around people, no one would understand it. They both needed this, needed to tease, needed to let off steam. And they could only do this with each other because they knew each other so well, knew that whatever was said in these moments wouldn't be taken serious, well it was but it would never hurt the other, would never destroy them.

Them.

Was this what they were? A them? A unity that knew exactly how much the other could take? Was there a silent promise between them? Something that went far deeper than friendship? How had he not noticed this before? Had it really taken almost dying to realize this? Had Logan….

Julian was pulled out of his thoughts by the sudden silence in the house. He listened closely, hoping that Logan would play something else, another song to lay his insides bare. Something that could help Julian figure out what exactly they were, what Logan felt deep inside, maybe finally understand what Logan needed him to remember.

But instead of the soft piano notes, he heard something else, something more beautiful, something even more heart-breaking than someone baring their soul via song. Julian could hear barely audible sobs coming from the living room. Whatever happened, whatever he had forgotten, he had to make it right, he had to fix this, he had to fix Logan.

Finally his feet seemed to cooperate and he slowly, silently crept into the room, stopping in the doorway to simply observe the scene enfolding in front of him.

Logan was hunched over at the piano, arms crossed on the shiny top, forehead resting on them as sobs wracked through his body, shaking his whole frame. Sheet music was thrown across the room, the last pages silently floating to the floor.

Julian felt his heart clench, what had he done to this boy? What was hurting Logan so much?

On sock-clad feet Julian took hesitant steps into the room. He wasn't sure he could fix this, make everything right with his presence or if he'd only make it worse. In a way he craved the feeling he'd had when Logan had held onto him on the tiny hospital bed last week. He wanted to feel like that again; safe, wanted, cared for and maybe even lov…. No he wouldn't go there.

For the past week he had forbidden himself to dwell on that thought, that feeling. But still, in the loneliness and silence of the night at the hospital his mind had flashed back to the feeling of Logan's arms and even more so, of the feeling of lips pressing softly against his own. Little moments filled with the hope of something.

Something that was worth fighting for; something that would and could only be possible if he managed to remember.

Deciding, giving in to the feeling, the need to be closer to the other boy, Julian finally took the last steps towards the slumped over figure at the piano.

Reaching out a careful hand to Logan's shoulder, Julian let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, as if the physical connection between them already made things better.

"Lo?"

Julian heard the other boy sniffling as Logan wiped a hand over his face.

"Jules?" Logan's voice was raspy, tears were still clinging to his eyelashes as Logan looked up at him through them.

The courage he'd had a moment ago seemed to dissipate in the matter of seconds. "I… I got up for a glass of water. I… I heard you playing and I…" There was no way he could explain this right. Everything was even more confusing now that he was looking at Logan.

"Yeah… I… I was just playing…."

"Liar…" Julian mumbled.

Logan looked at him, clearly searching for something in his eyes, like he was trying to read Julian's mind.

"It was beautiful. Your voice is amazing."

Logan's lips turned up into a smirk. "Aww thanks princess that has to be the first time you acknowledged my amazingness."

There it was again. That defence mechanism. "You're so frustrating." Julian turned around, realizing that maybe this wasn't the best idea. He'd simply get a glass of water and hide in his room again. Let Logan be miserable on his own.

He'd almost reached the door when a hand curled around his wrist and tugged him back forcefully.

"What…" Julian huffed before he collided with something warm, Logan.

Looking up through his eyelashes he saw a completely different Logan. The boy in front of him was as far away from the snarky idiot that had been a giant pain in the arse just a few hours ago, this boy was vulnerable and lost.

Taking a deep breath, Julian felt his body instantly relax. Logan's scent was all around him, wrapping him up in something that spoke of home and friendship, affection and hope. Whatever they were fighting about, Julian knew that Logan cared. The other boy couldn't pretend with him anymore. His feelings had been too obvious in that song and maybe even more so in the way his eyes looked at Julian right now. Like he was the one thing anchoring him, holding him in place and together; like simply knowing that Julian was still breathing was worth so much more than anything else.

They needed each other, that much was painstakingly obvious. In that way Julian's body was betraying him, relaxing more and more against Logan's the longer they stayed close.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"You're still mad."

"Not mad just…," Julian paused for a moment, trying to find the right words, "I just, nothing makes sense at all. You are confusing, you confuse me all the time. Whenever I think that I've figured things out, you do or say something and I just want to hit you over the head with a brick. You're so unbelievably frustrating. And yet…" Julian looked away, not wanting Logan to see him so unsure, so scared.

"And yet?" Logan's voice was barely a whisper but they hardly needed to speak anyway, they were still standing so close together that Julian could feel Logan's breath against his face.

"And yet…" Julian started, cutting himself off again. How could he even begin to explain how he felt? How could he even begin to put everything that was going through his head into words, when nothing made sense?

"Jules?" Logan breathed, his lips more forming the name than actually saying it. The silence in the room wrapped back around them, making them feel like the only two people in the world. There was nothing else that mattered, just the feel of Logan's body almost pressed against his.

Tentatively, Julian reached out a hand towards Logan's chest, feeling the warmth seep through the thin shirt he was wearing. Slowly, afraid of what he'd find, he looked back up at Logan, finding only affection in the blond's eyes. The air around them suddenly felt hotter, and it was hard to breathe. Julian only had to lean in another inch.

Logan's eyes dropped to his lips and in that instant the pull between them became even stronger, even harder to resist; like trying to keep two magnets apart.

Time seemed to come to a sudden halt, wrapping them up in a world of their own; just breathing each other in, revelling in the comfortable silence surrounding them.

Slowly, afraid to startle the other boy, Julian gave up resisting and closed the distance, pressing his lips against Logan's. Instantly Logan's hands moved from his elbows up to his biceps, holding Julian even closer. The kiss wasn't more than an insistent press of lips, both still so afraid to startle the other and lose this moment.

After a while, when both boys were out of breath, they pulled apart and Logan couldn't supress a low whine.

Catching their breath, they leaned their foreheads together, still breathing in the other, unable to bare to separate just yet. Somewhere along the way Julian had closed his eyes and was left to simply feel the effect Logan's presence had on his body.

"Jules…" Logan whispered, causing Julian's eyes to shoot open and before he could stop himself he had pressed another kiss to Logan's lips. He couldn't and didn't want to talk yet, just bathing in this moment was perfect and everything he wanted.

Logan was the one to pull back again.

"Jules…"

Julian pressed another kiss to the blond's lips.

After a few more seconds he pulled back again.

"Julian," but Logan was again stopped by Julian's lips. The brunet was almost sure that he could feel the slight annoyance starting to bubble in Logan.

"Julian!" Logan had pulled back and was visibly trying to restrain Julian from leaning in again. "We need to talk."

"Oh those are never the words you want to hear after kissing someone, even I know that much. And to be honest they aren't even close to what I was expecting."

Logan quirked an eyebrow, "And what did you expect?"

"Just something along the lines of "Your room or mine, but I guess that won't happen."

The reaction on Logan's face was instant. His features hardened, his jaw visibly clenched as he took a step back, letting go of Julian completely.

"What?" Julian asked defensively, crossing his arms in front of him. What was Logan's problem? Suddenly his eyes widened as he remembered what Derek had said earlier.

"Logan," Julian took a step forward, wanting to reach out to the blond, but Logan stepped back hastily.

"No,…it's… I don't…. whatever."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think. I…"

"No it's fine. It's.. don't apologize for saying that, it's just. God why is this so hard."

"I don't understand."

Logan ran a hand through his already messy hair.

"It's like, one moment you're here and the next you say something like that and it throws me off completely and I feel like I can't even see you anymore. You disappear right in front of me."

"But I'm right here, you're not making any sense. I'm standing right here. What the hell do you…." Julian paused, realization slowly dawning on him, "mean? Oh god," he rasped out. "I'm not him anymore am I?"

"I…" Logan started but the words got stuck in his throat.

Julian felt like he couldn't breathe anymore, like he was drowning on dry land.

"Oh I get it. It's like I'm suddenly Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. So two versions of me. The one you know and then this new, fucked up version of me who can't even remember the simplest things."

Julian stepped back and plopped down on one of the sofas, instantly doubling over, pressing his forehead to his knees, while trying to slow down his breathing.

A moment later he felt the sofa dip next to him and yet Logan was obviously keeping his distance; no comforting arm wrapped around his shoulders. Julian wasn't even sure he would accept that sign of affection at the moment, since Logan was so obviously not out to console him, at least not this him.

God, how did everything get so fucked up? He couldn't do this. He couldn't deal with the look Logan was giving him.

He wanted to fix Logan, but how was he supposed to do that when he was just as, maybe even more, broken? No, he had to figure that part of him out. He had to start somewhere, right? He had already figured out other parts of himself, so why shouldn't he be able to find his old self again, or at least parts of it. Maybe figuring himself out would help Logan somehow as well.

As this realization that was slowly turning into determination, washed over him, his breathing slowed down. As if feeling that little shift in Julian, Logan hesitantly moved closer; a tentative hand coming to rest at the nape of his neck.

"Jules?"

Scared that the skin contact would dissolve his decision, Julian stood up quickly and held out a hand to stop Logan, when the blond made to stand up as well.

"No, stay," Julian breathed out, "I mean, it's okay. I'm okay. I just realized something and I need to think. And… and being close to you makes it hard to think straight."

A small smile crept onto Logan's face at that declaration. Julian's eyes widened; God, Logan looked incredible when he wasn't sporting the look of a kicked and lost puppy. Not that helpless and confused wasn't a good look for him either, but on the other hand, raging lunatic was pretty hot too.

No. He had to go before all those thoughts started to spill from his mouth.

Without another word he turned around and walked towards the door where he stopped to look back at Logan. A question on the tip of his tongue, one that Logan most likely wouldn't like.

"Did I ever come out to you? I've been wondering ever since that night at the hospital."

Watching the other boy intently, Julian saw the nervous way Logan's eyes flicked through the whole room before consciously forcing himself to look at him.

"Jules…" he started and in that moment Julian knew the exact words that the blond was going to utter.

"Blah, blah, blah Logan. Stop giving me shit about having to figure my sexuality out myself. Because guess what, idiot; while you've been singing sad, heart-breaking songs, I've been trying to figure myself out," Julian paused there, almost enjoying the way Logan's eyes betrayed his emotions for once oh so clear. Before the blond could say anything in return though, he continued.

"And to be honest, it wasn't all that difficult. So get your panties out of your ass and stop treating me like a mental patient."

"Wait… I… what?" Logan interrupted, visibly confused by Julian's words.

"I mean, come one, that night at the hospital and just now… it felt like… I don't know, like coming home. I like you and to be perfectly clear, I don't mean that in an 'awesome that we have each other's backs'-kinda way. Oh this is bullshit. I liked kissing you and against all normal reasoning, which I, to be honest, know jack squat about right now, I even like you when you're an arrogant asshole who thinks the world revolves around him. I mean you suck; you're this big, huge gigantic ball of suck and despite all that, I like you." Julian sucked in a huge gulp of air, only now realizing that he had rushed everything out in one breath. His eyes were fixed on Logan, trying to see a reaction in the other boy, but the blond simply stared at him.

"And, god, this would be the perfect time for the floor to give way and swallow me up or for you to say something."

Finally Logan opened his mouth. "Big, huge, gigantic ball of suck? Seriously Julian? That's what you come up with?

"I… I…" this time it was Julian's turn to be loss for words. This was definitely not even remotely close to what he had expected as an answer. But of course Logan would find a way to surprise him yet again.

Julian finally huffed, rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. "Of course that's what you'd pick out of everything that I just said. Of course… why am I even surprised? Okay, so how hard do I have to wish for the floor to just open right about now?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean "why"? Did I just speak some weird alien language that you didn't understand or are we on the same page here? Well, probably not since I just blurted out everything and you're still looking like you're halfway between laughing at me and complete terror."

"I'm not….looking like that. I just. You surprised me I guess. I just…" Logan paused for a moment, watching Julian like he was deciding something, like whatever he'd say next had the power to change everything. "Are you sure?" Logan whispered; voice barely audible where Julian stood in the doorway.

"What?"

Logan cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair, messing it up even more. "I said, are you sure? I mean… Are you sure about what you just said? You're not just saying this? I mean… Are you really sure?"

Julian smirked, "You're adorable when you get all flustered and rambly. But yes… I meant it. I…this is how it is."

"Jules… I… why? Why now? Did you remember something?"

"No, and I might never remember everything, so I decided to stop trying. I just… I'm just going by what I'm feeling right now. Why would the rest matter? Unless, there's a reason everything that happened before matters. Just so you know, it doesn't for me. I want to live in the here and now and just enjoy life. I can be glad that I'm alive and I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to remember a life that I might never get back completely. This, what I feel for you is now, it's what's important to me in this moment and I don't care whether you like it or not but I don't give a shit about everything that was." Julian took a deep breath, trying to brace himself for the reaction to his next words. "So, this is it. I'm standing here, telling you that I like you, that I… that I have feelings for you, that…that I want to be with you. And I'm begging you to either tell me what's going on in that head of yours or tell me to fuck off and I'll just go back to my room, cry myself to sleep and we'll start tomorrow fresh, as friends, probably awkward friends, but friends nonetheless."

Julian took another deep breath. Whatever happened now, it was out of his control. He had spoken his mind, so now it was Logan's turn to make of it whatever he wanted. The ball was literally in his court.

Julian could feel the air in the room get warmer, the longer Logan simply stared at him, with that unreadable expression, the more nervous he got. He had put his heart out there, vulnerable and so open for heartbreak. He could almost physically feel the seconds tick by, his heart speeding up with every moment that Logan didn't respond.

After what felt like hours, Logan seemed to shake himself out of his stupor. Julian froze when Logan whispered his answer.

"I don't want that."

"Oh," Julian breathed out, feeling his entire body stiffen, as tears started to pool in his eyes. "Okay, like I said, no hard feelings. We'll just be friends. Goodnight, Logan." Julian turned around, face falling with the disappointment taking him over.

"Idiot," came Logan's voice directly behind him, before Julian felt a hand close around his wrist, effectively turning him around and pulling him back against Logan's body. "I don't want to be friends, well I'll always want to be friends with you, but almost losing you made one thing very clear. This," he gestured between them, "is way more than friendship. I mean don't get me wrong, Derek, is a handsome guy….ouch," Logan shrieked when Julian swatted at his arm. "But for one: I think he is completely straight, two: I'm not sure I want to get into a catfight with Casey, and three: I already have you to be the pain in my ass."

Julian rolled his eyes, "Thank you very much."

"You're welcome. But seriously, Julian, seeing you like that, unmoving and pale in that hospital bed, without knowing if you'd wake up or not, killed me. I could feel my heart breaking with every day you didn't wake up."

"Oh god, did I just turn your brain into mush? I think I need to go to the dentist, this is giving me cavities."

"Shut up, diva. I'm trying, okay." The blond closed his eyes for a moment, as if to ready himself. "I want that too. I… I want to be with you. I mean we'll probably screw up tremendously but we'll still be us. It's not like we're all sunshine and cupcakes on a regular basis, although I could probably eat some right now." Julian again, swatted Logan's arm. "Sorry, I haven't eaten today, some diva kept me occupied."

"Was that a question? Did you just go from talking about us, to asking me to make you cupcakes? Can I even bake?"

Logan's eyes scrunched up. "I hear you are quite decent with cupcakes but let's be careful with that until you get your memory back."

A smile spread over Julian's lips, as he simply revelled in the close proximity to Logan. This felt right, for the first time since he woke up, he felt like he could finally breathe. He hadn't been lying when he told Logan that he felt like home. Looking up at the taller boy, he sighed.

"This feels nice." Julian breathed, voice barely a whisper.

"Oh does it?" Logan said mockingly.

"Oh shut up you. It sure beats singing a sad love song in an empty room."

"I wasn't doing that. I was…" Logan paused, taking in Julian's face in front of him.

"Yes?"

"I guess, I was letting you go. I don't know. I didn't think you'd remember and then I thought about how unhappy you must've been before, hiding all that and I just, I don't know…"

"Hiding what?"

"Oh…" Logan closed his eyes, this time clearly trying to block Julian out, probably wishing that he could take back what he'd said.

"Logan?"

"I… okay, so you asked me if you came out to me before. You didn't, okay. I thought, as did everyone else that you were straight but apparently you weren't, I just hadn't read the memo, screw that, I wasn't allowed to even get the memo. Derek knew, and I guess a few others did too but I was never told. And it was mostly because…"

"Because I was in love with you."

Logan's head snapped back, eyes focusing on Julian.

"I…you…"

"I was in love with you but I never thought you could feel the same for me. Come on, we were fighting constantly and you were always chasing after someone else. Blaine, Joshua, Kurt… need I say more? I've always been there, standing on the side lines. Ready to help you, to make you happy even though…" Julian carefully extricated himself from Logan's embrace. "Even though it was breaking my own heart, because it seemed like you'd try to get anyone else before you even looked at me."

"You remember?"

"Yeah, this. Go figure, instead of remembering something nice, I get the crap deal, yet again." Julian crossed his arms in front of his chest, trying to hold himself together.

"But Jules… this is something and I… if I had known…" Logan stuttered, voice unsure, tripping over the words.

"Then what, Logan?" Julian snapped, "You'd have stopped going after Blaine? Or Kurt? Sure, lie to yourself but don't lie to me when you're still in the advantage."

"Julian, you weren't even an option. I'm not a masochist; I don't go after straight guys."

Julian huffed, "Yeah I heard that before and still you're trying to tell me that knowing that I'm bi would've changed everything. Just stop it Logan. I'm tired… I'm so tired." Wrapping his arms even tighter around himself he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Jules, don't go like this? Come on…"

"No Logan, I can't… I'm tired, this… this is too much. I'm going back to bed. Goodnight."

"Jules…" Logan tried one last time but Julian had already turned around and was out the door before he could finish his sentence.

Back in his room, Julian immediately crawled under the covers. This was not how that was supposed to go. How can he feel this way, minutes after Logan finally admitted that there was something between them? Why did he have to remember in exactly that moment? And why this? Why the pain he'd felt all the while Logan was chasing after other boys?

An hour went by but Julian still lay in his bed, unable to fall asleep, unable to stop running the events of the evening through his mind over and over again. He tried to remember more, but once again, the block was firmly set in his head, impenetrable.

When he was still awake an hour later, he gave up and got out of bed again, his leg was hurting from lying still for such a long time but he bit his bottom lip and powered through it.

Making his way out of his room and into the kitchen he saw a faint light coming from upstairs, the door through which Logan had disappeared in the afternoon. This was silly, he wouldn't solve anything by being angry at the blond or staying away, and he was pretty sure that staying away from him would be a whole lot more work than being angry at him.

Slowly, step by step he went up the stairs; pausing every now and then when the pain in his leg became too much. After what felt like an eternity he stood atop the staircase, directly in front of Logan's door. Not bothering to knock, Julian opened the door.

Green eyes immediately shot up to look at him, and he could see Logan resisting jumping up from the bed immediately. Instead he simply breathed out his name.

"Jules…"

As silently as possible, as not to wake up Derek, he closed the door behind him.

"Why did you walk up the stairs? Your leg isn't completely healed yet. Are you okay? Are you in any pain? Do you need me to get your painkillers? A glass of water? Anything?"

Logan had jumped up during his rambling and Julian simply smirked at him. "Shut up and get your ass over here and kiss me."

"Jules?"

"Do you really expect me to walk another step on this stupid leg, just because you're too stupid?"

"I…"

"Logan, kiss me," Julian said again, with more conviction this time and Logan finally moved towards him.

Before Julian could blink, Logan's hands had settled firmly on his hips pulling them closer together and he was ducking his head to press a kiss to Julian's lips. Without hesitation, Julian wrapped one arm around Logan's waist pulling the other boy in even closer, while the other hand travelled up to Logan's neck, to wind into the soft hair there.

The two boys kissed until they were both out of breath and had to pull apart. But even though their lips weren't touching, they couldn't bear to be too far apart. Leaning their foreheads together they breathed each other in. After a moment, Logan was the first to speak.

"I thought you were tired."

"I thought you were still being an asshole."

"Touché." Logan said before pressing a quick kiss to Julian's lips.

After another few minutes of simply holding on to each other, Julian broke the silence. "I'm still tired though."

"Oh, sure, do you want me to help you walk downstairs?" Logan pulled away slightly to look at the shorter boy.

"No," Julian whispered, pulling Logan back in, before turning towards the bed, tugging Logan along.

Julian, albeit a bit awkwardly due to his leg, settled on the bed, holding the covers up for Logan.

"Are you sure?"

"Logan, if I hear the sentence 'Are you sure?' coming out of your mouth one more time tonight, I'm never going to speak to you ever again. Also, I'll be giving an exclusive interview telling all the tabloids that you broke my heart and I'm gonna invent so many lies that nobody in the world will ever want to be with you ever again."

Logan's eyes widened, before a huge smile spread over his face. "God, it's good to have you back." Was all he said before sliding under the covers with Julian, careful not to touch him anywhere. Both boys simply lay on their backs, staring at the white ceiling, both lost in their own version of 'oh my god this is awkward why is this so awkward. Just don't move, don't touch him'.

After ten minutes of awkward silence Julian, leaned up on his elbows, looking at Logan, who simply turned his head to look at him. "God, this is terrible. I'm sure we've shared a bed before. Why do I feel like this is weird?"

"We've shared a bed before, trust me. And we've, more than once, woken up in an entangled pile but…"

"But this is different because we kissed, repeatedly so, and admitted our feelings, right?" Julian stated, voice detached from the situation.

"Yeah…" Logan agreed.

"Then why is this awkward, it shouldn't be. I want to be close to you…"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't…just, come here." Julian turned onto his side and pulled Logan's arm away from the blond's body, only to lift his own head and use Logan's arm as a pillow; Sliding closer to him in the process. "This okay?" he asked, tilting his head up to look at Logan.

"Yeah, you're not hurting?"

"No, you make a great pillow." Julian smiled, as Logan pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Goodnight, Jules."

"Night, Lo."

The next morning found the two boys, completely entangled on the bed. Julian had thrown his leg over Logan, curling into him completely, while Logan hand one arm still possessively wrapped around Julian, while the other one was splayed against his chest; like he had to make sure he was breathing.

Julian was the first to wake up, a slight throbbing in his injured leg, bothering him a little but not enough to warrant moving away from Logan. The events of last night came back to him and a smile settled on his face. This was real. They had talked and admitted their feelings for each other. For a little while he simply stared at the blond, afraid to move lest he wake up the other boy.

About twenty minutes later Logan's face scrunched up a little bit, before his eyes slowly blinked open. His eyes immediately met Julian's and the blond smiled.

"You're here…"

"Where else would I be?" Julian replied softly, curling in towards Logan, so they were pressed together closely.

"I don't know… I just… I waited for this…"

"So did I…"

"And now you're here. For a second I thought it was a dream and I was ready to face the cruel reality."

"You know if you'd rather just dream, I can always leave."

Logan's grip on Julian tightened immediately. "Nope, no chance, I'm not letting you go so easily."

"So…"

"So…"

"Last night happened."

"Yes."

"Where does that leave us?"

"I… I mean, I can only speak for myself but I… I want to try this. I thought that much was obvious."

"Yes, it was and I want this too. So we're dating. But, can you promise me one thing?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Don't compare me." Julian whispered, one hand fisting into Logan's shirt.

"To who? Blaine? Joshua?"

"To… you know what, just forget it."

"No, Jules, stop that. Tell me what you're thinking. This is what leads to us fighting. Not talking about shit."

"Don't compare to the old Julian, alright? Happy now?"

Logan's face softened visibly. "Oh Jules, you know you're not that different than you were before. Just a bit more…"

"More what?"

"Open I guess. I mean it makes sense. You weren't out before, so stuff like the obvious sexual innuendoes weren't there before. Apart from that, you're still you."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh I remember someone banning that sentence last night, does that mean I get to talk to the tabloids about how the great Julian Larson broke my heart?"

Julian didn't hesitate to swat at Logan's chest, making the other boy groan.

"Funny, Wright, Very funny."

"I thought so," Logan said a huge smile plastered on his face as he pressed a kiss to Julian's forehead.

"What time is it?"

Logan turned his head towards the clock on the bedside table. "Almost noon."

"We need to get up soon."

"Why?" Logan chuckled.

"Because if I stay still any longer my leg is going to kill me."

"Oh god, I'm sorry Jules, I didn't think. Okay, getting up right now. Do you need my help?" Logan was already halfway out of bed, when Julian grabbed a hold of him.

"You're cute when you're overprotective."

"Shut up."

"Make me," Julian said, a smirk on his face.

Logan didn't have to be told twice as he leaned in and captured Julian's lips with his.

Pulling the other boy closer, Julian lost himself in the passionate kiss. When they pulled apart they were both panting heavily.

"We should get up. Derek's probably wondering why we're both still sleeping."

"You're right," Logan sighed, "Do you want to go downstairs first or do you need help?"

"How about you get dressed and I get my ass downstairs by myself. I got up here on my own too, so I'll manage."

"Okay." Logan said, before disentangling himself from Julian and getting out of the bed. Julian followed suit in his own tempo, carefully stretching his leg, trying not to hiss when the pain shot through it.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just, you know, it sucks," Julian grimaced.

Logan took Julian's face between his hands and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "I know. You'll get better in no time."

"I hope so."

"Trust me."

"Do I have another choice?"

"Not really."

"Okay…" Julian wrapped both hands around Logan's wrists and pulled him in for another kiss. "You know there's one thing you can help me with."

"Yeah?"

"Help me stand up?" Julian smirked at the blond, reaching out his hands to Logan.

"You know, they told me not to help you up like that, right?" Logan let go of Julian's face and grabbed the brunet under his armpits, helping him to get up that way before letting his finger tangle with Julian's.

"Thanks."

"Just the simple boyfriend duties," Logan replied with a smile on his face.

"Boyfriend?"

"I…I mean… I thought…" Logan spluttered.

Julian let out a laugh, "Calm down, Lo. I was just kidding."

"Asshole."

"And there we go again."

"You love it."

"Screw you."

"Nope, there's no screwing going on here."

"Logan, did you really just say that?"

"Shut up."

"I'm leaving before you get even blunter."

Logan smiled at him. "See you in a bit."

"Oh god, are we going to be one of those couples?"

"What?"

"You know the couply-couples, all dependant on each other and unable to be apart at all."

"Oh dear god, no. Trust me that won't be us."

"Aww I can sure feel the love, Lo."

"Shut up."

Julian finally made it to the door; still laughing he pulled it open and stepped out. He slowly made his way downstairs, taking one step at a time. Silently he made his way into his room and quickly pulled on a pair of sweats and a new shirt. After brushing his teeth and a loud grumble of his stomach he made his way into the kitchen, where Derek sat at the large kitchen table, reading the newspaper.

"Morning," Julian said, grinning as his friend turned around with wide eyes.

"If you say so, it's noon on my watch, sleepyhead."

"Yeah, I know. I just slept really well for the first time in the past weeks."

"Mhm…" Derek agreed before going back to his paper.

Julian slowly made his way over to the fridge, leg still a bit stiff. After looking through it for a moment, he decided on cereal and pulled out the milk carton and looked around for a bowl and cereal.

A few minutes after Julian had come into the kitchen, Logan came barrelling down the stairs and strode into the kitchen.

"Good morning."

Once again, Derek looked up, one eyebrow quirked up.

"Oh is it?" he asked clearly amused.

"Yes, I think so," Logan replied.

Without another word Derek went back to his paper. The two other boys looked at each other confused before they shrugged at the same time. On his way to the fridge, Logan passed Julian, and let his hand linger at the brunet's hip for a moment, before moving on to the fridge.

A few minutes went by before Derek, to everyone's surprise broke the silence. "Don't think I didn't notice Julian sneaking downstairs to his room to change," he said, head still hidden in the newspaper.

Julian and Logan looked at each other in surprise.

"I…well, yeah…"

This time Derek looked up from his newspaper, levelling a serious glare at his two friends who looked like deer caught in headlights.

"I'm not stupid, you know. I have ears and eyes."

"Derek, we weren't…"

"After everything we went through, after all the times I had to listen to you whine about Logan not paying attention to you, you were just gonna hide it from me? Great friends I have there."

"Stop it, we weren't hiding it."

"Well, maybe we were," Julian chimed in.

"Okay, maybe," Logan agreed. "But we just figured it out ourselves."

"I guessed as much. Still, I think after everything that happened, it would've been nice to hear it from you instead of looking at two love-struck idiots."

"Sorry, D." Julian said softly, "that was stupid."

"Damn right it was. And now," Derek got up from his stool and quickly walked around the kitchen island over to the two boys. "I'm happy for you," he hugged Julian first, "both of you," and then Logan.

"Thanks," Logan muttered.

"One thing though," Derek said seriously.

"Yes?" both boys asked at the same time.

"Don't make out in front of me. Seriously, I do not need to see that okay. Keep it behind closed doors or I'll throw you out before you can even say 'unfair'."

"D?"

"Yes?"

"This is my father's house. You can't throw me out."

"I know and you bet your ass I can."

Julian placed a soft hand on Logan's arm. "We'll behave."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

Logan and Julian smirked at each other. "Want to watch a movie or something?" Logan proposed.

Julian and Derek agreed quickly and while the new couple made their way into the living room, Derek hung back with the pretence of putting away the newspaper. With one arm wrapped safely around Julian, Logan guided him out of the kitchen, missing the huge smile that crossed Derek's face as he looked at his two best friends.

Over the next few days, Derek caught the two of them in the living room, the kitchen and various other places in the house, threats were uttered from his side but no matter how angry he appeared to be, he always left the room with a small smile.

Despite their new love, both boys knew that they had to talk about a few things. After Julian woke up from yet another nightmare, screaming and kicking in his bed, the three boys settled in together in front of the large fire place, unlit just because Julian still got a bit twitchy around it, and Derek and Logan told him everything. From Adam, to the fire, the way Adam forced Julian to tell Logan the truth and everything that happened after Julian blacked out. Bits and pieces came back and it was still mostly Logan that triggered a memory, both the good and the bad.

But the most important things weren't the things that came or the ones that didn't come back, no for the two of them the important ones where the memories they made together.

* * *

A/N: So that's it. That was the final part of Forgotten. Reviews are love.

I hope you enjoyed this little journey. The song that Logan sings is "If you ever come back" by The Script.


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